It was one of the ANUSARA Yoga immersions when I wrote a prayer request in my class notebook:
Help me to open my heart completely.
Reflecting back on that moment in time, I realize that I wasn’t aware of the potential meaning of that request when I wrote it.
I’m not sure, even now, whether I fully understand the meaning and power of that request.
But I have an intuition: once you elicit an Honest prayer, it cannot be unheard or withdrawn from the fabric of God’s Awareness. The thread of that prayer is forever woven into the Fabric of Life and cannot be unheard.
I recognized long ago that all Is happening and has happened and will happen in a timeless Design that is unfathomable and inexpressible from our limited viewpoint. So this Honest prayer is born of a deeper Knowledge that this outcome has already been Divinely Designed to Come into Being. That’s why it feels so honest.
Why does intuition about a path always feel so certain?
Because it’s already happened in Timeless awareness?
Because we carry the Knowledge of the Creator’s Design for us somewhere in our human mind?
Sometime ago I had a deep meditation experience that felt like I entered a conscious state of Timelessness Awareness. Having experienced that, I can’t ever not know that it Exists. But so often distractions bring on forgetfulness.
Yet when I’m graced with a moment of Returning to that knowing, it reawakens a sense of peace that feels like it allows my heart to fully open.
Perhaps that was the true intent of my prayer request:
To remember this Mystery of Truth – again and again.
Today, my heart opened.
It was news I knew was coming but I didn’t want to hear. Curled up in a ball on my chemo lounge chair, overtaken with a grief and sadnesses of emotional helplessness. A realization that this was the Destiny and Purpose of my momentary Life. It doesn’t matter how it seemingly happens – as long as the Design is Fulfilled as imagined by the One of Creation.
It’s Voice resonated to me:
Surrender your heart to Me, Janet. That is your destiny. To Fully Know Me again and again, Always and Forever. There is NoThing more meaningful than that. And something shifted for me – it no longer mattered that one mammary lymph node had cells which mutated to resist current treatments or that I’d need radiation again or that I’d have to stay on endless chemo treatments to prevent further metastases. ALL of my angst over choices was unnecessary. No matter which road I’d take, my path Is Destined to remember my Divine Purpose.
My heart opened … and I fully knew God again.