Mountain Top Road

the joy in your heart

The Waters of March
(aka Aguas de Marco)
by Antonio Carlos Jobim

A stick, a stone, it’s the end of the road,
It’s the rest of the stump, it’s a little alone,
It’s a sliver of glass, it is life, it’s the sun,
It is night, it is death, it’s a trap, it’s a gun.
The oak when it blooms, a fox in the brush,
The knot in the wood, the song of the thrush.
The wood of the wind, a cliff, a fall,
A scratch, a lump, it is nothing at all.
It’s the wind blowing free, it’s the end of a slope,
It’s a beam, it’s a void, it’s a hunch, it’s a hope.
And the riverbank talks of the water of march.
It’s the end of the strain, it’s the joy in your heart.

The foot, the ground, the flesh, the bone,
The beat of the road, a slingshot stone.
A fish, a flash, a silvery glow,
A fight, a bet, the range of the bow.
The bed of the well, the end of the line,
The dismay in the face, it’s a loss, it’s a find.
A spear, a spike, a point, a nail,
A drip, a drop, the end of the tale.
A truckload of bricks in the soft morning light,
The shot of a gun, in the dead of the night.
A mile, a must, a thrust, a bump.
It’s a girl, it’s a rhyme, it’s the cold, it’s the mumps,
The plan of the house, the body in bed,
The car that got stuck, it’s the mud, it’s the mud.
A float, a drift, a flight, a wing,
A hawk, a quail, the promise of spring.
And the riverbanks talks of the waters of march.
It’s the promise of life, it’s the joy in your heart.

A snake, a stick, it is John, it is Joe,
It’s a thorn in your hand, and a cut on your toe.
A point, a grain, a bee, a bite,
A blink, a buzzard, the sudden stroke of night.
A pin, a needle, a sting, a pain,
A snail, a riddle, a weep, a stain.
A pass in the mountains, a horse, a mule,
In the distance the shelves rode three shadows of blue.
And the riverbank talks of the promise of life
In your heart, in your heart.

A stick, a stone, the end of the load,
The rest of the stump, a lonesome road.
A sliver of glass, a life, the sun,
A night, a death, the end of the run.
And the riverbank talks of the waters of march
It’s the end of all strain,
It’s the joy in your heart……………………

Time for me to bitch and moan about daylight savings again…..

Control freaks that we are ……. trying to manipulate time to our advantage.

I’m WIDE AWAKE when the clock says it’s time to sleep.

I’m DRAGGING when the alarm goes off in the morning.

WHY do we still do this??????  

Well, regardless of my time-change frustration,

absolutely NOTHING could change the NOW moments of BEAUTY on a day like today,


The blazing sun……. the family fun …….. the walks outside ……. the trees and the sky

The smiles and shares …….. the food and talk of bears …….. the word games in the car… and being silly as we are …….

and the grandson’s joy of winning monopoly …….. and knowing time is as free …..





crazily radical in a conservative way

The idea of EMBODIMENT is so creatively expressed here.
For me, these were the highlights of this particular interview (video below):

On embodiment

we’re at our best when we’re INTEGRATED completely ….
Real intimacy ….. literally COMING together!


a symbolic representation – in which the SPIRIT has to become fully embodied

The FULLY incarnate BEING is the messiah, which means embracing the horrors (evil) of the world …..(take the sins of the world unto yourself)

i.e., recognizing satanic tendencies that are YOU (your shadow)

On socialization ….

Integrating our competitive nature into fair play. Not as a morality of restrictions on yourself, not reducing yourself to a domesticated moral being, but taking everything you’ve got to move forward.

More on the SHADOW SELF….. (and I really GET this):

Understanding how Auschwitz was about ME ….how that understanding re-orients you
A deep part of the shadow idea is taking the sins of the world unto yourself.
This is pre-requisite for true knowledge/understanding,
One of the motivations is existential terror – (knowing what I am capable of in the most negative way)

On Power…..

Is there something higher than tyrannical power?

Christ’s encounter with Satan in the desert – The offer is tyrannical power over everything.

Christ’s response is “there’s something better”

That is WISDOM

So why not work for the betterment of BEING?
Do what you can do to make it better.
Or at least FIND OUT what you can do ….. not in a moralistic way but in a

Enjoy the interview …..



The Circle

Lauda Leon said, ‘The ascension is not about moving outside of yourself, it’s going from outward to Inward.

I wonder ….. if the circle is Life’s True Nature then there is no boundary, there is No Out and there is No In.

A 10-year-old “emotionally disabled” student I was teaching yoga many years ago once said to me, “The energy goes in, and the energy goes out

I think he knew something deeply but these were the only words he could find in his limited human vocabulary to express it. Why he said that to me, I never understood. But I will never forget it. It was as if a voice came through him, it wasn’t even his own, and out of nowhere it chose that moment to say those words to me. I never responded. Because I didn’t even know what to say. Maybe it was a moment of accessing the parallel universe – the one where the imaginary circle boundary disappears and you can experience one of the infinite other dimensions.

For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

Image: Fabian Oefner: Black Hole

Why Hatred Rules (Exists in) the World
Like and love (lover and hater) conserve a circle.
We all love our point of view.
It creates the opposing point of view.
We hate this.

Ilexa Yardley, Author: The Circular Theory

post surgical quietude

For just a while last night I felt a deeper love for Life Itself. I felt a more compassionate resonance. Not that I had no compassion prior to last night.
But something came up for me .…..

A deeper feeling. A deeper knowing. Something that knew even though this life is a sham in so many ways, it is also the most important thing that there is.

It’s so much more than body parts.

The post mastectomy quietude requires watching, witnessing, being present with everything as crazy as it seems…..

It’s noticing the sense of EMPTINESS I feel around my chest.

The first time I recall having a knowing experienced around “emptiness” was in a self-hypnosis therapy session.  Being talked gently downward into hypnotic relaxation, the therapist asked me to “LOOK INSIDE” and tell her what I saw.

I “saw” NOTHING, and said, “it’s HOLLOW, it’s EMPTY”.

She replied, “That’s a brave observation, something many people are afraid of”. I wasn’t afraid. I felt more at peace than I ever had.

It’s noticing the physical pain, which is certainly present.

Being curious about how it feels. The heaviness – like a ton of bricks is sitting on my chest, pulling, stretching, pinching. And noticing that there’s actually a choice about one’s reaction to the feelings of pain.

When the surgeon took out 2 of my drainage tubes yesterday, I was terrified …. Worked myself up into frenzy thinking about what I’d heard from others that it would “feel” like when they yanked out the tubes.

I closed my eyes, took giant breaths, kind of like breath of fire pranayama, even chanted Om Namah Shivaya ……
The actual puling out tubes EVENT was not as bad as the thoughts that I CREATED from my high anxiety mode.

It’s accepting the need to REALLY REST

There’s so many things I WANT to DO, it’s just my nature. Especially movement and change, which I ADORE ….. learning to move the body in new ways. The thrill of being upside down.
But I can’t do my morning handstand now. I have to accept that. It’s time to REST. The handstand will be there when I heal.

For now, slow walking, sitting, reading, looking at nature outside the window, dreaming.

It’s being more aware of TIME, and its illusive quality

Having so much time on hand with no work obligation can be tricky if your personality is conditioned to be busy and productive all the time.

I now have to view this abundance of time as an OPPORTUNITY to notice the VALUE of each and every moment as it REALLY IS. Not just a damn RAT WHEEL. Not just setting and meeting goals, not just carrying out obligations and duties, not just working toward achievements of any sort.


That’s really the only TRUTH I can know for Absolute sure. WHERE that really is – I don’t know, and WHAT that really is – I don’t know, and certainly HOW that really is – I don’t know.

The acceptance around TIME being illusive is a huge opportunity for me now having so much of it on my hands. The recognition of it again and again is so liberating.

It’s being more TRUSTING and HOPEFUL that by consciously bringing my attention back to benevolence, more of that will appear to manifest

When I look at my surgery site, what I see is HIDEOUS. Blue pen markings, glued puckered ugly skin incision sites, the rim of the flat pancake spacer showing through from under the skin. It’s so gross to me that I wince looking at it.

What if this “hideous” mastectomy site were viewed instead as an amazing masterpiece holding the potential for a new body, a work of art in progress, a site of regeneration and healing?

Instead of grimacing each time I view my surgery site, what could happen if I remember to place my attention on the wonder of being ALIVE…….. a human BEING Radiating with a Divine Luster?

Yes, exactly as I’ve chanted a zillion times in my Anusara yoga classes:

Niralambaya Tejase “This describes Shiva, or the auspicious energy that Is, as completely free and illuminated.

NIRALAMBAYA means without support. Source has no outside support because there is nothing other than Source. It is a stable ‘IS-ness’, if you will; completely free from limitation for it is all that is.

TEJASE is a light that is always present, even if we can’t see it. It is the fire of passion, the luminous divinity that is in every heart. It is the spark of the conception of a new being, the sparkling beauty that shines out through all of creation and within the meditative realms. It is the purest, most powerful light, and it is beaming its goodness within you!” Katrina Ariel

Today, I am making a conscious vow to continue my work on radiating this attitude.


Photo: alexandra-levasseur

The Earth is Alive (a pre-surgery rant)

To remain astonished about LIFE, allow what appears ridiculous to make sense

what appears IMPOSSIBLE to have potential REALITY

Look at something as though you’ve never seen it before

Really LOOK

Pull yourself OUT of your compulsivity of conditioned thought patterns

Ask yourself constantly ‘What are you AFRAID OF????

I re-visited the Knowledge about FRACTALS in Nature, and binge-watched Mudfossil University videos (You Tube).

I became re-ASTONISHED about Earth/Human Potential Reality.

And I watched the Netflix documentary: Jim Carrey’s portrayal of Andy Kaufman.

LAUGHED out loud, CRIED too

Did DEEP ASANA work – wheel and shoulderstand, and forward folds with LONG YIN holds

And after all of that …….. honestly ……. I’m still full of CRAP pretending that I’m not scared and feeling uneasy about surgery

I don’t even love my breasts (pretty damn saggy!)

But I’m conditioned to believe they’re a part of me??

When the breast fascia/tissue is (ectomied) removed from my living body cells

will it become petrified rock?

Like the ancient Giants in the Aborigine dream worlds?

Or just dissolve into the abyss and meet up with me after this blip of life seemingly ends?

I PRAY to SEE the UNSEEN Truth in my anesthetized state, and come back to TELL.

Links below for amazement and enjoyment:










Silent Sun Worship

I LEARNED TODAY the value of Walking outside and BEING in total AWE and ASTONISHMENT and AMAZEMENT of the SUN’S LIGHT.

Five days prior to mastectomy/reconstruction surgery, strangely feeling very OKAY about everything.

I decided to go OUTSIDE and walk in NATURE

It’s so quiet where I live that it’s mind-boggling to be able to stand STILL on the (still) WHITE SNOW, and BE completely STILL …..

And just LISTEN to the SILENCE. To really HEAR the Silence.

And today’s Cloudy skies allowed me to SUN GAZE….. Only for about 10 seconds.

As the sun momentarily peered through a hole in the cloud cover, I was able to FEEL the heat of the LIGHT on my FACE, enveloped by a sense of extreme CALM, but ENERGIZED too, and very EUPHORIC……

Afterward, everything I SEE (perceive) is clouded in a mist of rainbow-colored haze. Thankfully, my eyes recover.