Mountain Top Road

natural

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NATURAL

A picture memory appears in my mind…

The movie Mrs. Doubtfire. When the bus driver notices her hairy knee and says, “Natural, healthy, just the way God made ya.”

As I take my morning bath, I observe the soft hairs growing on my shins.

I’ve lost ALL of my body hair so many times through endless chemotherapy infusions. But after a deliberate 2-month chemo holiday my hair is finally growing back.  I’m grateful to see my body’s ability to grow hair again! I sense a feeling of natural health, just the way God made me.

(Simultaneously, I know that my well being is not dependent upon the state of my physical body).

After a few deep breaths I contemplate the question,

What is NATURAL?

And I notice my mind’s tendency to want to find an answer; but I know from a deeper level that the answer doesn’t exist through my thinking process.

In fact, I also know from a deeper level that NO ANSWERS exist through the thinking processes. So why do I keep going there?

A few more deep breaths. I contemplate the deeper knowing that shows up as an intuitive feeling, and I simply open my heart to listen …

Something informs me … IT Says,

You are a sacred Being.

Every part of your body, even the cells that your human eye cannot observe.

And there is no separation from what is within to what appears to be outside.

This sacredness is the Only quality that comes close to an accurate understanding of the word Natural.

And when you remember and feel and honor and acknowledge that sacredness – down to the last hair on your body  – you are in a state of connection with God as you are made to BE.

Why would you want to alter/change/improve upon/fix/intellectualize this Natural and sacred state of Being that you are?

What could you possibly Know more than this unfathomable Force of Creation that Made you?

That is the question I want you to ask yourself every time you get lost in thought and indecision.

Remember and recognize that through your intellect you have the ability to control and manipulate and profit and alter Life to your preferences  – but you also have the ability to seek action based on the higher purpose of what is Sacred and Natural, to serve something other than your own personal mind’s agenda.

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God.

Matthew 6:32-34

the ocean

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I was graced with the gift of travel to sunny Florida. I flourished in the JOY of Being in its glorious sunlight and even its warm rains.  During my morning walks along the beach , I had the grace of leisure to sit and just look … and wonder …  and listen … and talk to the ocean.

I’d ask her,

WHAT are YOU, really?

Does anyone actually know WHAT this mirage of water below blue sky IS?

Why can I stare at you for long minutes and completely forget time exists?

How is it that you are able to pull me in and spit me out?

What is the magical recipe of your salty sting?

Does your sound come from inside or outside?

Who first discovered you, swam in you, drowned in you?

And I’d wonder …

Why did humans stop contemplating the nature of this Reality?

Perhaps we forgot how to ponder, ruminate, imagine?

Someone taught us that you’re an “ocean” and we accepted that we know what you are.

And we stopped really seeing you.

Maybe that’s why we’re in the mess we’re in … here on this body we call earth.

Our modern Indoctrination and religion of “science” has been our demise.

We’ve forgotten we’re all little children – because we placed our faith in intellectual adulthood …

And we lost the Keys to the Kingdom of God.

I pray I will never pretend to know what an ocean really IS.

***

A favorite song from childhood memory … Mom’s transistor radio serenaded me each morning while getting ready for school … a time when joy and innocence and mystery was still ALIVE ….. hope you take a moment to enjoy:

soul

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“The soul is a part of man which is little known and only seldom realized. Every one may have access to the soul. It lies deep within the recesses of our own being. Desire for the higher attainments of life is the first requisite; and then a continuous turning within until the goal has been attained. a good start may be made through the realization of the truth that there is even more to human existence than corporeal health and material supply. When we catch a glimpse of the fact that more dollars, homes or automobiles do not constitute supply, that more travel does not constitute recreation; that absence of illness is not necessarily health; in other words; that ‘my Kingdom is not of this world’ we are going in the right direction to discover the realm of Soul.”

The Infinite Way, Joel S. Goldsmith

A few days ago it appeared. Outside my back door window there it was. Ridiculously obvious, but it’s message evaded me at first. Only the heart shape caught my immediate attention. Each morning I return to observe the “opening” in the outside snow through my window. Perhaps it will change? Or maybe it will disappear? How could that possibly look so perfectly heart-shaped?

As a result of the two feet of snowfall, my entire backyard pond has disappeared, and all that remains is a heart-shaped opening – almost like a breathing hole for the fish in the pond. (of note, we do have a pump running to keep oxygen for the fish, but that’s on the other end of the pond).

So each morning I return to admire and inquire of this “opening”, What is it you’re showing me?

Today it replied…

You are finding purpose here. Although it feels painful at times, like you’re going insane, and experiencing a complete breakdown of anything you once believed in, your purpose here is becoming more true. The true part comes alive when you trust your intuition that this material world manifestation you’re perceiving is only one reflection of the Truth of Life. Everything is that hole. Everything. An infinite potentiality of Creation beyond your wildest thoughts.

It continued to explain…

You know absolutely nothing through your thinking mind. Every time you feel sure of your rightness – you fall again, back into ignorance. Instead, let yourself fall into that infinite hole of Truth, the hole that is Creation Itself. There is nothing you can think that will change or alter IT. Trust IT. Place all of your faith in IT. Give your heart to IT. IT is infinitely connected through your Soul. Trust IT, Janet. It does not require belief in anything here in the material world.

It feels like I’ve always known this. Somewhere so deep that it easily gets lost in the muck of indoctrinated, learned perceptions.

But, thank God, not so deep that it is lost. The miracle is that the Soul’s purpose is infinitely present, and if we seek it – it can appear in unimaginable ways.

my prayer song

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(sung to music from Give Me Love, George Harrison)

speak through me

help me see

through this heavy veil                              

free my mind

keep me kind

show me how to love

Let me serve

teach me truth, in this crazy world

feeling lost, it’s so dark that my

spirit dies      

Om m m m m m m m m m m
M m m my lord …

Please pry open my eyes so

I might truly see   

Oh yes See, oh yes See

forgive me    

forgive us     

let us live our truth  

teach us how           

to be free,     

keep us without fear           

learning to,

Hear your voice, in this noisy world   

learning to, trust and know You through

Love and Light        

Om m m m m m m m mm

M m m my lord …

knowledge

jandvig

Today’s contemplation …

Step 115: Today I will listen to the Power of Knowledge: Upon the hour, remind yourself to listen to Knowledge and take a moment to do so in whatever circumstance you find yourself. Steps to Knowledge, Marshall Vian Summers

I’ve begun to realize that Knowledge is always available. When we remove ourselves from the incessant wanting (desire) to possess something that is impossible to grasp (Absolute Truth), the pointers are in everything that IS.

Upon becoming still and open-hearted, placing one’s attention on receiving (hearing, seeing, feeling), IT presents Itself in infinite forms.

I don’t claim any religious belief as the only way, and I don’t claim any intellectual belief as the only way. In fact, I don’t claim any belief as “the way.”

Perhaps that’s one of my pitfalls to Knowledge. I’m open to everything that invokes Wisdom (knowledge).

Today, I found Wisdom in both of these seemingly opposing perspectives; a Neoplatonist and an Hasidic rabbi. Knowledge is found in infinite forms – always pointing to the same Truth.

(entirety of talks are linked below the quotations)

“Some people only study physical phenomena. They slice it up and stick it in a microscope and that’s all they know. That’s all well and fine, but a true rounded person is interested in the totality of cosmic mechanics, what is and what is not, and how the universe works – is interested, as the greatest and wisest minds were, definitively, undeniably, interested in both physics and metaphysics, which are in totality a holos, just a one. You know a coin is not a head or a tail, it’s the coin and the silver of the coin, so these are not two different things.” 

Ken Wheeler

“Love is a tricky word. We don’t need to be told to love ourselves, we need to be told to share some of the love we have for ourselves. That’s the whole code of morality. You love yourself, can you give a little away? All your natural instincts are not meant for you . That is a huge lesson in life.

***   We are taught that study is extremely important, why?  So then you can teach. Even studying is not for yourself it’s so you can teach. Knowledge, information, wisdom, very important because then you can share it. Get yourself healthy, so you can turn your attention to others.

Rabbi Manis Friedman

heart cloud photo credit: Annette Adams

You can find it, my dears

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This delightful man, who looks like Santa Claus graced me with his words today.

Here are just some of the sparkling word gems he shared that brightened my spirit, and confirmed what I know to be True, what he defines as,

“This eternally present invisible presence – that which of course is completely unshaken by the dramas of this world.“

In the bible there are 365 references to don’t be afraid, fear not, one for every day of the year. The Bible is full of clever things like this.

When you’re sure of your identity with the Eternal, when you discover what man really is, which is Spirit, then the worries about the flesh they diminish. The Spirit gets stronger until you really just laugh at it.

Compared to bad thinking, all the chemicals and plastics in the world is peanuts.

This world is a shadow of Divine origin, it comes to pass just like a nightmare. It has no reality of itself. Its only real as far as we believe in it. That is the fact. When one person even has the foggiest notion of this, it somehow raises the general level of consciousness. Those that recognize it more fully help to raise it even more.

Those that fully realize the infinite nature of man, they lift the whole world.

You can find it, my dears. It’s well documented. I’m one of many, many who have realized it and I’m pleased to share it.

me-dia (my god)

jandvig

When I was ready to graduate high school I had to choose a quote to place under my yearbook photo. Always acting from a strange intuition that I never questioned, I chose lyrics from ‘Stairway to Heaven’ (It was 1978).

“There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

I wasn’t so sure what it meant at the time.

There are many interpretations of the famous song; but one of them is that you can’t find happiness, peace, truth, God, light here in the material riches of the world. I think I’ve always known that; although my paths to recognizing it’s truth has been varied. I’ve changed roads many times.

But this single road has always been calling to me. What road is this?

It’s the road that is NOW (past, present and future), aka, the middle pillar (the third eye, aka, ajna – sanskrit for perceiving, light).

The ONLY path there is.

We can’t see it with our physical eyes or hear it with our physical ears. Yet, something within always knows it’s there.

This world’s insane great divide that appears on our black screens to tell us what’s happening wants to divide us into two separate paths. One of them appears to be technocratic control and transhumanism. The other appears to be freedom from control and government/medical manipulation.

However, upon close contemplation, this is a fraud. The only REAL freedom exists through the ONE middle pillar. It is not of this world. It has nothing to do with this world’s corrupt government options.

It is the path to Truth and Light and Happiness that is Everlasting (regardless of the pain and suffering and tears one may endure while in the physical world).

It is a place where the mind finds stillness.

As a wise woman of alchemy and linguistics, Lavette, says, “The word media actually means mi – dio (my god). And unfortunately, we’ve allowed the media to be our god. It is guiding us further down the path of deceit and corruption.

So how do we live in this world?

Look deeply.

Be still to gather your inner knowing, and sit with it.

Use your breath to quiet the chaos.

Know what you’re for (instead of dwelling on what you’re against) and take action on that.

Trust the Middle Pillar (the inner knowing) and the guides will appear.

I’m prayerfully asking this NOW for me,

for humanity,

and for our beautiful planet’s real potential to exist as heaven through our conscious mind that is ONE with God.

Namaste.

Enjoy this lovely woman’s wise soulful words:

unknowing

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The day was so perfect for walking outdoors. Endless blue sky. Sunshine so blaring that my shade glasses couldn’t even soften the intensity of brightness.

A perfect moment to hear God’s voice.

It’s your own incessant knowing that is deceiving you.

Why is it you accept your unknowing about death; but can’t accept your unknowing about life?

So often you’ll recognize that no matter what you think you can’t absolutely know what death is. Why can’t you recognize that you can’t absolutely know what life is?

None of MY creations can know. Only the Creator holds the WHOLENESS of Knowing.

If you could see and hear the Reality of Being you would recognize the jewels of creation in a way you can’t now.

You would drop to your knees right now and place your lips on the dirt and stones beneath your feet.

You would raise your eyes to the blaring sun and cry out in devotion and amazement of its glory.

You would raise your arms to the endless blue sky and surrender to your ignorance of Life Itself.

Faith and hope and wonder and surprise and joy and ecstasy would fill your heart beyond your understanding.

Until then, you have not come full circle.

You remain on the rat wheel thinking you know something about life and making up stories and ideas that are simply beliefs you want to believe are true.

None of them are true, Janet.

ONLY I AM IS TRUTH.

THE BEGINNING, THE END, THE ALL.

Upon hearing God’s voice today, I really wanted to kneel down and place my lips on the dirt. Or lift my arms and bow down in adoration to the sun above. But I didn’t want my neighbors to think I’m a complete lunatic. The ego still holds its grip.

As I humbly continued my walk home, I saw the details of shadow and light in a more pronounced vibrancy.

Arriving home, I saw my husband in a new light. I saw my cancer in a new light. I saw my anger, my love, my emotions and my fragile body as a miraculous fleeting experience in my own awareness.

I will forget … but it’s okay … when I’m ready to remember ….

God’s voice is omnipresent

the sun is shining, wow

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My brother told me about this new series on YouTube by Peter Santenello.

I am intrigued, as always, to learn how people devoted to God express their devotion in their own unique way. Having grown up in a town (Monsey, NY) that was populated with Hasidic Jews (a very small community back in 1965), it was my first introduction as a child to the culture and ways of this community.

This series was candid and sincere. For me, it was inspiring to witness how people continue to ensue traditions based on strong foundational truths.

There was a part in Episode 2 (there are 3 episodes) when a young boy spoke from his heart. His words, most of all, moved deeply the sense of God in my own heart:

7:25: “the sun is shining, wow”

18:06: “sometimes I can’t see the good, but I know its good”

as they say, from the mouth of babes….

movement and rest

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What an intense week. For most humans on this planet, the chaos is felt. It is disconcerting, for me, to witness the insanity on so many levels.

Daily, I must remind myself to look at this from a higher perspective.

To imagine I’m seeing the whole puzzle from an aerial view … to soften and widen my narrow, small-minded personal viewpoint.

This higher looking – that I must remind myself to practice – always draws out a more compassionate understanding.

But I am not adept yet. Far from it.

In fact, I’ve been falling apart frequently.

This falling apart is something I’m not normally accustomed to, and so it has been extremely unnatural for me to “lose it“

The first of emotional breakdowns happened earlier this week …

I was forced to have a Covid nose swab at MSK prior to a radiation simulation. Having been there every single week for the past year without this test, I was infuriated at the complete lack of logic to insist I have the test now. My disbelief and distrust in the accuracy of the testing process only worsened the matter for me.

My rebellious resistance against nonsensical, man-made rules and regulations that infringe upon my natural God-given freedom.

I could have said NO to the swab test. But then I’d not be able to be simulated for the scheduled radiation treatment my doctors recommended, which I had finally agreed to do.

SO I LET THEM DO IT.

How I hated myself for that. For sacrificing my beliefs. For consenting to what felt like a violation of my rights. For giving in.

From my toes to the crown of my head, I became inflated with rage, with self loathing.

Standing in the parking lot I cried out loud, God, please take me now, I don’t want to live on this earth anymore.

My husband witnessed this. This poor man who has stood by my side through the entire cancer drama. Watching his wife have a breakdown over what appeared to him nothing to be upset about.

“Do you think you’re the ONLY ONE with cancer here?” Was his attempt to snap me back to some sort of reality.

I was behaving like a crazy woman.

You don’t understand. This is against everything I believe.

***

That day my entire being was shook to the core. It was 24 hours before I regained some emotional balance. Only to fall back down again today.

I DID IT AGAIN!

I consented.

I signed the consent form to the MSK Trial for Clinical Research.

“I’ll do it, but hear me, this is it, I’m done. After this, no more.”

“Okay, Jan, I’m with you. I agree and will support your decision to quit after this.”

But all I could think was, What am I doing? Have I gone completely fucking insane? How could I let myself do this again? A fucking science experiment, a lab rat!

***

The view from above … boy did I lose it.

I let myself get lost and sucked into the personal mind’s drama and the global mind’s propaganda.

God, please help us see from your clear view above. From your perfectly balanced seat of movement and rest.