Mountain Top Road

fierce grace

I am the Way and the Master who watches in silence
Thy friend and thy shelter and thy abode of peace
I am the beginning and the middle and the end of all things;
Their seed of Eternity, their Treasure supreme
Bhagavad Gita 9:18

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think someone slipped a chemo pill into my wine glass at the Lake Region Fitness holiday party.

The next morning I awoke with a sore throat, but I bull-headedly forged ahead to work obligations and appointments, and 24 hours later the effects kicked in; fever, chills, body aches, nausea, diarrhea.

I haven’t felt this way since chemotherapy, was my initial thought.

But I also intuit that it often takes a fierce grace to bring our soul into alignment with our truest journey. This bout with a viral infection afforded me:

• Time to rest.
• Time to contemplate.
• Time to have no responsibilities to others.
• Time to accept discomfort on the deepest level.
• Time to fast.
• Time to be fully present with myself.
• Time to sleep deeply and dream.

So I write this as a Reminder to Self that the innate wisdom of our highest path is so beyond our understanding, so outside our limited perception, ineffable ….

I remain humbled in the Mystery.

honest spirituality

Excerpted from “Authentic Spiritual Practice” CD from the Woldingham UK Retreat, Adyashanti.
(bolded and italicized words are my own modifications)

“From the ordinary standpoint, which is where we all start out, spiritual practice has a quality of being a goal-oriented activity. We’re doing it for a particular reason. We’re hoping for a particular result. We hope it will help us to awaken or reveal the truth to us, or help us find peace or freedom. That’s entirely understandable. It’s a way of relating with whatever our spiritual practice is that feels honest. That’s a conventional view of practice, whatever the spiritual practice is.

The most important part of any spiritual practice is its authenticity, its honesty. And that’s something that’s often missed. The spiritual path is an embodied form of being really true and honest with yourself. That’s not an easy thing to do, especially at the beginning.

To be aware is to be confronted with whatever the reality of your condition is at any particular moment. That can roll off the tongue very easily, but when you go to do it, it can be very challenging to really show up in your life authentically for whatever’s unfolding at that moment. We’re always trying to change what is, or explain it, or justify it, or anything other than a direct encounter with the raw reality of our condition at any given moment.

It’s not easy for human beings to be really honest with themselves. It’s one of the most stringent, demanding practices that there is—to not knowingly, intentionally deceive ourselves or others. Just start with yourself. That’s enough for any given day. It’s what needs to be informing our spiritual practice.

Spiritual practice becomes effective and powerful in direct proportion to how true and real and honestly it’s undertaken. That’s authenticity. And so much of being honest and real with ourselves is realizing what we don’t know. Knowing that we don’t know takes a lot of honesty. A space opens within the mind and even in the body when we start to know that we don’t know. We open to uncertainty: “I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what enlightenment is. I don’t know what God is. I don’t really know much of what I thought I knew.” Sometimes that can be tremendously liberating, when you let go of a painful idea or belief or opinion that was really burdensome. That can be very freeing, just to get that far.

From the standpoint of realization, practice looks very different. Practice is actually an expression of the state of realization. It’s an embodied statement. At first, we can see something like meditation as a means to an end: “I hope this helps me get to where I want to get to.” But from a realized perspective, meditation actually becomes an embodied expression of that realization. It’s not the only expression by any means, but it’s one embodied expression. So then the practice and the realization become the same thing.

The underlying attitude that needs to inform our spiritual approach is basic honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness. To whatever extent we can become honest, truthful, and sincere right from the beginning, we’re actually participating in an embodied form of realization. So we can actually utilize aspects of realization far before we’re even realized.

From the viewpoint of realization itself, not only is practice an expression of realization, but it’s also simultaneously a way that realization explores itself, that reality explores itself. Again, it’s not a goal-oriented activity, because realization itself is infinite.

Realization itself has no borders. It has no boundaries. Reality can always be realizing more of itself. When it’s reality doing the realizing, there’s no goal. There’s no end. There’s no anxiety. Strictly speaking, there’s no seeking, because there’s no goal orientation. How could you make something that has an infinite capacity into a goal? Because if it’s infinite, by definition, you’re not going to get to the goal.

So practice can been seen from this other orientation, the orientation of a deeper realized state. And we can utilize some of that orientation, even if we don’t think we’re realized yet. We can use some of that attitude, you might say. In fact, it’s essential that we do use that attitude, because spiritual practice itself actually isn’t confined to specific spiritual disciplines. That’s another mistaken idea of spiritual practice, that when we’re meditating, listening to a talk, or inquiring, we’re engaged in a specific spiritual practice. But spiritual practice actually transcends all of those particular forms. It expresses itself through those embodied forms of spiritual practice. The forms are embodied expressions, but what informs all of those forms is something else.

What informs all of those forms of practice is the commitment to realization itself, which goes back to honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness. These are the primary spiritual practices. In that sense, they’re not limited to any particular form. They’re not limited to a time of meditation. You can practice honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness at any moment of your life, in any situation you might be in. Literally, these are the fundamentals of spiritual practice.”

pre new year gratitude

So many gems in this video, especially for alchemy/astrology lovers.

However, I really resonated with the reminder to be aware of what I’m putting out there, and to recognize how what I am putting out there actually becomes part of the fractal we call our (world). 

The simple, profound pearls I received today paraphrased:

26:45:

This thing is a fractal, and when you put something out into this universe, it takes it and repeats it.

So the more that we complain, the more that we whine, or anything negative – its just gunna repeat that pattern.

But if we say I’m grateful I’m breathing, I’m grateful for the small things, it responds to us. But we’re acting the wrong way.

Be grateful for the little things in life and then you’ll watch your life change.

Here’s what changed for me: I don’t have a weight on my shoulders anymore. I didn’t even know I had a weight. But it’s gone! Instead of whining about what I don’t have, I am grateful for what I do have.

I feel lighter, it’s strange to explain, but it’s very freeing, I feel very alive.

I realized I was burdening myself down with my own complaints. Like carrying a bag of rocks on my back and every complaint a new rock was added to the bag. And I didn’t even know I was carrying it, like it became a part of me.

Now that bag of rocks I was carrying is gone, and I’m just floatin down the street now, I’m sprouting wings.

(Much gratitude to you, Lavette)
 

 

as the world turns

“If you live for the things of this world, that’s all you’re gunna get”

Lavette Hawkins

sitting in padmasana, while floating in my aerial hammock

My morning meditation ensues

intuitive sense of being inwardly stable at the core

while my physical energy form is spinning around a quiet and still inner axis

I can intuit feeling how the earth must feel wobbling on its axis

I ask myself, what is true?

I sit in Silence

no audible answer arrives

just an awareness that I exist in this moment

is that not enough?

with clarity that the awareness of this moment is beyond my understanding

I remind myself that I can’t see anything for what it really is

but there is a strong pull to look deeply at ALL relationships today (after all, it’s 12/12)

the One and the Other, the circle and the diameter, the Self and God

and I practice the last four stages of Patanjali’s 8-fold path:

Pratyahara, withdrawal of the senses

Dharana, fixing the mind to a single point

Dhyana, focused meditation where the subject and object are fully aware of each other

Samadhi, subject and object recognize each other as the same, and become One

I rest with an inner knowing that there is nothing more valuable than this thing we call Life,

even in our misunderstandings, our seeming errors, our untrue beliefs, and our non-life-enhancing actions

even these mistakes are of value although we can’t comprehend it from this perspective

I remember and re-cognize that it’s the only thing that Exists (this thing we call Life),

and that it is without beginning and without end

because the only REAL relationship is Life eternally experiencing itself as Life

“Live your life. If you have a gospel of truth, share it. And if it is true others will hear it. Be the good shepherd, and those that are supposed to hear your voice will hear it.”

Derrick, global witness

 

 

oh my sacred dream time

“Enlightenment is not seeing everything through the distortion called egoic state of consciousness. That’s why it’s called natural state;  It’s perception without a lens. Ultimately that’s what enlightenment is: Perception without distortion.” Adyashanti

The dream state is a lustrous gem

here’s where all of the distortions are revealed

In perfect living color, form and sound

Because in TIME

I only see through the lens of my perceptions (distortions)

But when sleep time comes, the TIME perceptions dissolve

Now I can see through it all

My dreams show me what I know in a way I can’t really comprehend
It would be too jarring for my indoctrinated left-sided brain
So my dream time gives me truths incognito

I am learning to unlock the symbolic coding

and it’s beginning to shine crystal clear

OH MY SACRED DREAM TIME

 

 

 

Knowing and Not Knowing

It can go either way; both ways, neither way, one way or another.

That is the beauty of the Mystery of Life

But we are still trying to manifest what we think we Know in the world.

We need Both Knowing and Not Knowing.

We need All of it. We need None of it.

Flashback: I was 10 or 11 years old. I’d get off the school bus and walk half-a-mile home, down Roberts Road and up the hill to Johanna Lane. This was 1970, and thankfully children did not have to carry their I phones everywhere. So my daily walk home from the school bus was an opportunity to be quiet with myself in nature.

One day, walking up the hill to my house, A HUGE, QUIET awareness entered my 10-year-old psyche. For the briefest moment time stood still and I became aware of Awareness Itself.

Of course, as a 10-year-old child I lacked the maturity to even process an experience like this. But it was experienced in a way that Janet’s little mind could actually sense Big Mind – and yet there was a noticing that they were BOTH Janet’s mind!

It was like looking through the opening of a long tube and observing a single eye looking back at you from the other end. But it’s Your Eye!

This was my first introduction to Zen, and I didn’t even Know it. But the perfume never left me.

Flashback to present time reality. The paradoxical predicament of Knowing and simultaneously Not Knowing has presented a subtle change in my awareness post silent retreat.

Whenever I observe my mind’s seemingly natural tendency to compulsively plan future moments, to obsessively over evaluate, and to habitually fall into conditioned storytelling, I do stop, take a moment, and allow the Voice of Not Knowing to remind me to lighten up and let go. However, it seems there is an equally powerful Voice of Knowing that I also have access to.

This Knowing Voice can often guide my actions in the world. This Knowing Voice witnesses the insanity of the world and guides me to see the truth of the matter. It always informs me where to place my heart’s intentions.

In time-dimension reality, it seems that our new God could easily be called Technology if we succumb to the obsessive desire to Create a Controlling God. Be alert and informed and aware of the positive AND negative potentials of this powerful God.

My Knowing heart’s intentions are screaming, Go outside and see the Natural life around you.

Plant a seed and wonder if it will grow or not.

Trust that Life will always Exist regardless of your attempted manipulation of it.

I attached the video below because I was intrigued in the way David brings to light the potential truths of transhumanist agendas, and I just love him. He doesn’t give a shit if people think he’s wacko, he speaks from the Knowing in his own heart.  And I was even more pleasantly surprised when the video switches midway to an interview with Monnica Sepulveda (at around 28 minutes). Profound insights …….

(video credit inspired by Out of this world X, Hatter’s blog)

The Word is not That

As human beings, I sense that our commonality of experience can be summed up as a deeply suppressed sense that something is dreadfully wrong about this existence. I think this “sense” hovers in a part of our mind that we’ve mostly forgotten to recognize, but sometimes, for some of us; it awakens and shows itself again.

But I am not referring to the “something wrong” that takes the form of the ego’s compulsion to desire something other than what is actually happening in the moment. It’s actually something deeper than that superficial desire to control the outcome of our actions, and deeper than the realization that we actually cannot control the seen and unseen consequences of our actions.

I am referring to a deep inner knowledge that this existence we consciously perceive is constructed on a foundation of complete insanity. I am referring to an innate recognition of an overbearing “untruth” about this realm of existence regardless of your world view and your social/psychological/emotional indoctrination.

The very realization of one’s existence, the moment we are consciously aware of being a living being, it is the “birth” of a miraculous individual lifeform, and the lifeform’s individuality is an instinctual right to be unique and free to BE as it was created to BE. Of course, we don’t know what the lifeform was “created to BE” but we do know that IT exists. I AM is the only utterance close to truth.

Every single being that can say I AM was “created to BE” and each individual lifeform exists with the same instinctual right to be unique and free to be as it was created to BE.
At least this is a simple idea we can ALL agree upon.

The word “Natural” seems appropriate here.

Our natural inherent instinctual right is to be what we naturally are.

But not knowing what we actually are resulted in the creation of some insane beliefs to hide that deep sense that something is dreadfully wrong.

Believing in the idea that an authority outside us and above us is required to rule our actions has created and enabled the insanity of such things as slavery, political cabals/government, creation of financial debt, legalized violence/war, power by force, legalized theft/taxation, formalized religion).

You do not need an outside authority to govern your actions unless you have been conditioned to believe that you do. You were created with the innate ability to discern Ahimsa (no harm).

This innate ability has been conditioned out of us through our continued belief and agreement to abide in a state of being that is NOT free.

As Liz Cronkhite describes it (I’m paraphrasing), “the moment the idea of NOT GOD entered the One Mind, it was undone.” But in Time it appears to be happening again and again and again. So we are experiencing NOT GOD in Time, which is possible because of Infinite Potential, but NOT True.

The perpetual human condition of slavery is ever so present in our continued belief and acceptance of present day “masters” (political leaders/government, money/ debt creation, power to control others by force, and legally accepted violence in all forms. (Violence means murder, not self-defense)

True Anarchy is the natural and free state of being.

Anarchy does NOT mean without rules, without order; it does NOT mean chaos and disorder, it does NOT mean no laws.

It is translated as Without (an) Masters (archon).

No masters meaning no slaves.

Krishnamurti’s expression here is way better than my feeble attempt: