unknowing

The day was so perfect for walking outdoors. Endless blue sky. Sunshine so blaring that my shade glasses couldn’t even soften the intensity of brightness.

A perfect moment to hear God’s voice.

It’s your own incessant knowing that is deceiving you.

Why is it you accept your unknowing about death; but can’t accept your unknowing about life?

So often you’ll recognize that no matter what you think you can’t absolutely know what death is. Why can’t you recognize that you can’t absolutely know what life is?

None of MY creations can know. Only the Creator holds the WHOLENESS of Knowing.

If you could see and hear the Reality of Being you would recognize the jewels of creation in a way you can’t now.

You would drop to your knees right now and place your lips on the dirt and stones beneath your feet.

You would raise your eyes to the blaring sun and cry out in devotion and amazement of its glory.

You would raise your arms to the endless blue sky and surrender to your ignorance of Life Itself.

Faith and hope and wonder and surprise and joy and ecstasy would fill your heart beyond your understanding.

Until then, you have not come full circle.

You remain on the rat wheel thinking you know something about life and making up stories and ideas that are simply beliefs you want to believe are true.

None of them are true, Janet.

ONLY I AM IS TRUTH.

THE BEGINNING, THE END, THE ALL.

Upon hearing God’s voice today, I really wanted to kneel down and place my lips on the dirt. Or lift my arms and bow down in adoration to the sun above. But I didn’t want my neighbors to think I’m a complete lunatic. The ego still holds its grip.

As I humbly continued my walk home, I saw the details of shadow and light in a more pronounced vibrancy.

Arriving home, I saw my husband in a new light. I saw my cancer in a new light. I saw my anger, my love, my emotions and my fragile body as a miraculous fleeting experience in my own awareness.

I will forget … but it’s okay … when I’m ready to remember ….

God’s voice is omnipresent

Transition states of consciousness

A Hathor Planetary Message Through Tom Kenyon

(I copied the text below directly from Tom Kenyon’s email message. It’s lengthy, but so worth the time to read, and read again and again. Each time something new may resonate for you, as it has for me. Enjoy…..)

Definitions

Chaotic Nodes are clusters of chaotic events. According to the Hathors, Earth has entered a Chaotic Node and, as a result, we can expect ever-increasing levels of chaos—including but not limited to earthquakes, volcanic activity, aberrant weather patterns, ecological distress, as well as economic, social and political turmoil.

Transition States of Consciousness are what the Hathors call the in-between places when a major loss has occurred and we find ourselves temporarily poised between an old reality that has passed away and a new reality that has not yet fully formed.

Perceptual markers are a term the Hathors use to describe how we make sense of our world and navigate through our lives using our five senses.

The Message

By their very nature Chaotic Nodes tend to generate transition states of consciousness. Transition states of consciousness emerge when perceptual markers disappear. And when this occurs you enter a null zone in which your old reality no longer exists, or has changed radically, while your new reality has not yet come into existence.

Due to the fact that you have entered an even more intense phase of the Chaotic Node, we wish to share with you our views regarding transition states, in the hopes that you will be able to utilize this knowledge for your own benefit.

For our purposes we can divide transition states into three primary categories: 1) personal transition states, 2) collective transition states and 3) physical death.

Personal Transition States

Let us turn our attention to personal transition states first, for your personal perception is the pivotal point around which your perceived reality operates.

Your perception of reality is fundamentally a personal creation. It is influenced by the collective perception of your culture, time, place and circumstance, but fundamentally your perception of what is real and not real is a creation—your creation.

Your perception of reality depends upon habits of perception, if you are like most persons. You are used to experiencing certain realities in your life and these tell you where you are, so to speak. You wake up in the morning and you look to the clock and the collective perception of time is immediately before you. Your choice to engage this illusion, or not, is a personal one. Indeed, one of the signs of spiritual mastery is the ability to navigate cultural illusions successfully while clearly understanding their nature.

When a situation in your personal life shifts dramatically there is a tendency for the perceptual markers to disappear or re-organize themselves.

Let us present one possible scenario. If you have worked at the same job for many years you have built your life around the demands of this position. You eat lunch at a certain time. You return home at a certain time. You interact with others in specific ways, tailored to fit the demands of your job.

If that job were suddenly removed, unexpectedly, those perceptual markers would disappear. There would be no need to get up at a certain time, eat at a certain time, return home at a certain time, and the people you interacted with for the bulk of your waking hours would no longer be available to you.

This situation is inherently disorienting for most people. Again, the perceptual markers have disappeared.

The same phenomenon occurs when any radical shift in your personal life takes place. If a relationship that is important to you suddenly ends the perceptual markers of that relationship disappear, and you enter the transition state of consciousness.

If you have a health crisis and your physical life is affected in radical ways the perceptual markers disappear, and this can be disorienting. You have entered a transition state of consciousness.

As the Chaotic Node increases in its intensity more and more persons will experience the shock waves of their old reality crumbling before them. What was certain in their lives is now uncertain. What was solid ground is seen to be no longer solid. We mean this both figuratively and literally.

There is another wave of transition states that is emerging from this Chaotic Node. It is already affecting many persons, but its affects will spread out in consciousness much like a tsunami.

This particular transition state has to do with the collapse of the collective lies of your culture. Increasingly more and more of you will see behind the shadow play; you will sense the puppet masters, and although their identities may elude you, you will see with increasing reality that aspects of your culture are a manipulation, a limitation, and in many cases, downright lies.

The lie that we are speaking to here is not the lie of economics, the lie of wars, or the lie of confining religions, but the lie of your identity—a lie that ensures your imprisonment. This lie is the belief and cultural assertion that you are nothing more than a physical human being and that there are, in fact, no other realms of being beyond your earthy experience.

The recognition of this lie is a harbinger of personal freedom, but in its beginning stages it can be quite disorienting. This is because multidimensional experiences are so different from your earthly day-to-day experiences. If you find yourself marooned between your earthly and multidimensional life, you have entered a transition state of consciousness.

Our purpose in sharing this information is to suggest a practical course of action during transition states of consciousness.

When you personally enter a powerful transition state you might, like many human beings, remain stuck in overwhelm. Many individuals find the shock of realizing that their perceptual markers have disappeared, along with the reality that they assumed to be real, deeply disturbing.

Due to the fact that time is accelerating—and by this we mean more events taking place in less time—remaining in a state of shock or overwhelm is a psychological indulgence which you cannot afford. The essential point we wish to convey here is that regardless of the nature of the transition state, whether it is personal in nature having to do with changes in your personal life, or due to recognizing your cultural manipulation—you are the creator of your reality.

You may have stories to explain why suddenly your life is bereft, but these are just stories. You may blame other persons, situations, or institutions for your problem, but this is misplaced responsibility. Your stories may be true and there may be other persons, situations or institutions to blame, but when you have entered a transition state of consciousness, you are at the central vortex of a powerful creative process. There is no reason or need to cry over “spilt milk” as one of your folk sayings goes. What is lost is lost. What is gone is gone.

Now the central question becomes, “What will you do?”

Will you remain stunned, in shock, in overwhelm, anger and sadness? Or will you step into your identity as a creator of your life?

To those of you who choose to remain in lower states of consciousness, we have no comment.

Our comments are for those of you courageous enough and bold enough to step into your identity as creators. If you are one of these, here is what we suggest.

When everything disappears, meaning the perceptual markers of your former reality, understand that you have entered into a void point.

A void point is a critical transition between an old reality and a new one. That which was, has ended. Instead of regretting the loss, you accept the void. This is, for many persons, a challenging undertaking, because in the void point there is nothing that can be done. You must simply be a witness to it, and to yourself, for in this no-man’s land there are no perceptual markers.

Be careful what new markers you put into place, for these ideas and beliefs will be the stars in the new sky of your mind, and you shall navigate your way into these new times by the stars (thoughts and beliefs) that you have placed in the heavens of your own consciousness. So be wise when you go about creating new stars, our fellow navigators of the Mystery.

Collective Transition States of Consciousness

The human collective, from our perspective, is currently like an immense cosmic serpent shedding its old skin, writhing and twisting, scraping off old encumbrances. Some of these take the form of economic turmoil. Some of them are political in nature. Some of them are the collapse and transformation of cultural institutions. And some of these writhings and twistings are related to earthquake and volcanic activity, as well as aberrant weather patterns.

As natural and manmade disasters increase, more and more of you will find yourselves entering transition states of consciousness. Obviously those who experience an earthquake, volcano or destructive weather directly are the most prone to enter transition states, but those of you who are empathic in nature can experience the brunt of a natural or manmade disaster as if you were physically present.

Indeed as the veil that separates human consciousnesses from one another dissolves, more and more of you will experience the changes taking place in the world at a visceral level.

We now wish to address the question of a new creation for those of you who may find yourself in the aftermath of a natural or manmade disaster, such as an earthquake, a volcanic eruption, or destructive weather patterns.

If the destructive force is strong enough, the perceptual markers of your former reality may no longer exist. Your home or place of business may no longer be there. You may find yourself dealing with shortages of food and water, and there are any number of variables that can come together to create a state of shock and overwhelm.

We wish to be very clear in what we are about to say. Shock and overwhelm in the face of disasters are a natural mammalian response, and if you are to transcend and transform the moment you must reach upward to higher dimensions of your own existence, your own being, to those realms of consciousness that are beyond time and space.

To the extent that you are able to incorporate the transcendent aspects of your being as part of the equation for your survival, you will be able to mitigate the shock and overwhelm.

The central feature that needs to be identified in the midst of chaos, any form of chaos, is the portal of opportunity.

This opportunity for survival or for a new life may present itself in ways you do not expect. This is because the perceptual markers are no longer in place and your consciousness may not recognize an opportunity when it presents itself.

There is a deep-seated human habit, or tendency, that wishes to conform new realities to those of the past. This would be an unfortunate habit to engage in these situations.

There is much we could say about the hyper-dimensional realities involved in choice making during chaotic events, but we wish to “cut to the chase” and give that which will be most practical. Perhaps some other time we can share with you our philosophical musings about your infinite nature and the infinite possibilities that reside within you. However, for now, let us be a little simplistic and give you a formula to recognize and create opportunities for new life and a new destiny when they present themselves to you.

Assuming that you have entered a transition state of consciousness and that you have befriended the void point and are more or less comfortable with the great uncertainty of your situation, this is what we suggest.

Be curious and expect miracles.

By entering a state of curiosity you engage an aspect of your mind that is free to move unfettered by expectation. It becomes very much like the mind of a child, and it is this innocence—which is not the same as childishness—that allows you to enter a vibratory state of consciousness, which greatly benefits you.

By holding the expectation of miracles you release the power of creation within you, and to the extent that you accomplish this you will find increasing incidences of serendipity, coincidences of benefit and unexpected treasures, whether they be physical in nature or mental and emotional.

This combination of curiosity about what will happen next joined with an expectation of miracles will move you rapidly from the void point to a new life, a new creation, regardless of what might be happening for those around you.

During collective transition states of consciousness it is helpful to remember that each person is the creator of his or her own reality, and in the midst of chaos people will make different choices and enter different personal realities.

Do not be swayed by those who enter lower vibratory realms. You cannot save them from themselves. Look upward and live upward with curiosity and an expectation of miracles, and even in the gravest of situations miracles can, and will, occur for you.

Physical Death

One of the greatest difficulties for embodied beings is the transition state of consciousness you call death. This is due to the fact that all perceptual markers, including the five senses, disappear. If a person identifies solely with his/her material existence, he or she will find this transition state to be most difficult. This is because what she or he identified with no longer exists.

Although the physical world continues on, there is no input into consciousness from the five senses. It is as if the world has vanished and the body along with it. The great I Am, the central feature of transcendent consciousness, no longer receives information from the body, the five senses, or the external world. This can be deeply disturbing and disorienting for someone who has not directly experienced the other realms of his or her being.

Metaphorically speaking, you are like a vast tree, a Tree of Life, with many branches and many, many leaves and blossoms, and your current physical existence is just one of these leaves and one of these blossoms.

When a person passes through the transition state of consciousness you call death there are several options. If you are in a spiritual tradition the central figure of which is a guru, avatar or savior, you can follow the path of this being into the vibratory realm of his/her consciousness. In some religions this is known as heaven.

If you follow the path of a guru, avatar or savior understand that you are entering into his/her heaven, her/his vibratory attainment, and by necessity you enter also into his/her limitations in consciousness.

From our perspective the universe is infinite in nature, and by this we refer not to external space but to the interdimensional realities of your universe, and there is no single being in existence, from our experience, who understands and embraces all that is.

If, however, you wish to join your guru/avatar/savior in the death realms we have a few suggestions. One is to mentally call upon his/her name. This is an ancient understanding encapsulated in the Egyptian term Ren, meaning name. When you call upon the name of a spiritual being an aspect of him/her is compelled to move toward you.

If, in that moment of encountering your guru/avatar/savior, he or she deems you worthy, you will be taken by him/her into his/her heavenly realm.

For those of you in eastern spiritual traditions there are mantras connected with specified deities. Chanting these mantras mentally during death, or in the death realms, has the same effect.

For those of you who are not part of a spiritual tradition that follows a guru, avatar or savior, then the transition state of consciousness called death offers other possibilities.

As with the other two transition states of consciousness, the death realm has a void point, and its dominant features are stillness (silence) and darkness. All possibilities exist within the Void, but no actuality is in existence. It is like the acorn of an oak tree. The oak, the giant tree itself, is potentially within the acorn, but it does not yet exist.

So when you find yourself in the Void, which you will recognize by the fact that you are utterly alone in darkness and utter stillness, know that you are in the central nexus of your creative powers.

What you choose to create next will determine the course of your destiny and what worlds you will inhabit or realms of existence you will reside in. This is a critical juncture.

Many persons frightened by the darkness move to the light prematurely. And what they do not realize is that in their yearning they create the light. A portal opens before them, like a tunnel, and they can move into this tunnel of light, encountering those they have known before, thereby entering back into embodiment or other vibratory realms of existence without having fully understood the consequences. This is certainly one option open to you, and one that is often taken.

Another option, however, is to remain at the void point, residing in the Void itself, becoming aware of your Self as pure consciousness—transcendent to all phenomena.

If you reside in this state of awareness long enough without the need to create something, you will discover your identity as the great I Am. And from this point of awareness you can choose the circumstances of your embodiment. You can choose the worlds you will inhabit or the realms of consciousness where you will reside.

This latter method gives you the greatest opportunities, though it is the most difficult for most people. And the reason for this difficulty has to do with the fact that most humans find it uncomfortable to not have a body. The yearning for a body and the experience of the material world often draws a person from the Void prematurely.

In summation, due to the intensifying phases of the Chaotic Node many of you will find yourselves in transitional states of consciousness. Regardless of what level you find yourself engaged in, whether it be your personal life, the collective experience, or the transition state you call death, know that you are the creator of your reality.

The Hathors
April 20, 2011


Tom’s Thoughts and Observations

I personally find this message to be stunningly eloquent and a vast storehouse of information. I have read and re-read this message several times, and each time I discover something new. There is, indeed, much to be read between the lines in this communication.

I especially liked the Hathors’ statement…

“Be careful what new (perceptual) markers you put into place, for these ideas and beliefs will be the stars in the new sky of your mind, and you shall navigate your way into these new times by the stars (thoughts and beliefs) that you have placed in the heavens of your own consciousness. So be wise when you go about creating new stars, our fellow navigators of the mystery.”

At the level of our collective mind, I think our mythic realities are changing. The old stars, those thoughts, beliefs and presuppositions about reality that have guided us as a culture for millennia seem now to be dimming, not to mention that they have led us in directions many of us no longer wish to go.

The collective ship of our culture seems to be plying through the waters of the Great Mystery with little regard for the sacredness of this planet or life upon it. But even as our collective vessel sails through the Great Mystery, seemingly without awareness, it (the ship) and we owe our very existence to the Mystery itself. This very odd duality seems, to me, either amusing or tragic, depending upon what mood I am in, and how connected I am or disconnected I have become from the Mystery itself.

One of the ironies of our situation is that the crew of this vessel, those who make it sail, through an investment of their life-force, creativity and, in some cases, blood sweat and tears, are no less than you and me, and all the other nearly seven billion humans alive on this exquisite planet. We are—all of us—crewing this vessel, regardless of our personal situation, our life station or our beliefs.

There are those in the New Age community who say, and have been saying for years now, that we are near Unity, and that the Golden Age is just around the corner. I do not share this perception.

We are all in the same boat together, whether we like it or not, and it seems to me that our crew is polarized. There are many who insist that the paradigms of greed, arrogance and usurpation are the true reference points for our sextants.

Others of us, however, are sensing that we are headed in the wrong direction—that we can no longer ravage this planet and its life (both human and other-than-human). For us, there are new stars in the sky of our minds. And we are setting our sextants clearly upon these cosmic beacons.

How it will all turn out is anybody’s guess. But I am encouraged by a silent mutiny I see happening all around me.

Many of us crew members, and I suspect that if you have read this far you may be one of them, are silently taking action to turn our collective vessel (i.e. our cultural madness) around or at least slow it down.

Some of us are pulling out our sextants and are pointing out new stars to those around us. We do this by living the change we wish to see. We do this by having the courage to live by a new Earth-reality that we sense is possible. We do this by extending kindness to each other.

And when necessary, we do this by standing our ground. I am reminded in this of a grass roots movement in some of the world’s poorest countries to preserve the use of non-hybrid seeds—seeds that produce new seeds when crops are harvested—rather than succumb to international economic interests that would enslave the poorest of the Earth to buy new seeds whenever they wish to feed themselves and their families.

As I write this, I am nearly weeping at their courage to stand up against the Titans that have set the course for our collective vessel through greed, arrogance and an utter disregard for the sanctity of life.

As difficult and as challenging as these times are both for individuals and the collective, I think there is hope in the uncertainty that we are facing. I say this because the human spirit has sometimes risen to heights when faced with dire uncertain times.

If the Hathors are correct, all of us will face numerous transition states of consciousness before our time on Earth has ended. The perceptual markers of our old reality are being displaced. How we deal with the loss of our perceived reality and the old world will determine the next cycle of Earthly existence for humanity.

And for us individually, what we choose to create in the transition states of our lives will determine the realms of consciousness that are opened to us.

I wish you, my fellow crew members and those whom you love, safe passage through these turbulent times. But regardless of what happens, regardless of where and in what situations we find ourselves upon this perilous journey, let us remember that we are—above all else—creators of our own reality.

There are new stars in the sky and new worlds to discover. Be bold. And have a good journey.



Part Two
And now back to the present…
 
My dreamtime communication with the Hathors occurred sometime around five in the morning. As the lucid dream unfolded, I physically felt a gentle yet electrical-like sensation at my crown chakra and sensed a rotating sphere of scintillating white light above my head.
 
I recognized this as what the Hathors refer to as The Sphere of All Possibilities. The Sphere is a way to communicate a vast field of information in a very efficient manner. The Sphere contains a near infinite number of radiant points of light. each point of light representing a possible/probable outcome to any situation.
 
In this case, the Sphere was a complex gestalt of personal, collective and planetary transitions.
 
The Hathors asked that the message of August 2020 be titled Transition States into New Realities because we are transitioning into multiple realities simultaneously.
 
Within the Sphere at my crown, I saw what was reminiscent of Jacob’s dream from the Old Testament in which he saw angels descending and ascending on a ladder from heaven.
 
However, in this dream image, all manner of sentient beings (not just human) were moving upward or downward within the Sphere. My clear sense of this image was that it represented a mass exodus of beings (both corporeal and non-corporeal) from the lower vibratory realms of existence to the higher realms and simultaneously, another exodus of beings was moving downward into the lower vibratory realms.
 
And then the following words resounded through my dreaming mind. “You are the magnetic attractor of your own destiny. Do not be swayed by those moving downward. Do not be hypnotized by their fear and contraction into the lower realms. Rise up and take flight into the upper worlds.”
 
Given the current state of affairs, I found these words to be very poignant and timely. This dreamtime communication from the Hathors is a call to presence. For those of us striving to live upward, the dream is full of information about both the exhilaration and hardships of living in the higher realms while many around us seem to be hell bent on moving downward into the lower expressions of the human spirit. The last words of my dream also spoke volumes… Rise up and take flight into the upper worlds.
 
In the midst of the growing global carnage around the current pandemic as well as escalating social unrest, we have before us an unprecedented opportunity (actually I call them FGOs or Fucking Growth Opportunities) to spread our wings, metaphorically speaking, and fly upward even in the midst of chaos.
 
Final thoughts
 
After my dream concluded, the Hathors strongly suggested that I listen to the Spatial Cognizance Sound Meditation, which was given during my last public Hathor Intensive that was titled Multiverse, before the pandemic shut all public gatherings down.
 
This sound meditation is a powerful means to access the openness of the transpersonal self and to our own innate transcendent nature that is not bound by the limitations of time, place and circumstance. During my post-dream meditation, the Hathors had me place my attention at my crown center while imaging The Sphere of All Possibilities as a sphere of white light above my head.
 
If you wish to plumb the greater depths of the Hathors’ insights about Transition States, I think you may find this sound meditation to be both fascinating and enlightening. You can find the sound mediation in the Listening section of the website (www.tomkenyon.com), free of charge for your own personal use, under the title Spatial Cognizance Meditation.
 
And finally, the Hathors asked me to mention the Heart Portal Sound Meditation that they gave in their last Planetary Message. It is, according to them, a tremendous ally for those of us seeking to move upward through the chaotic times that are upon us (and will be for some time to come). They suggest this particular mediation because it has a dual purpose as it is a means of spiritual purification and a way to access other realms in the upper worlds. You can also access this, free of charge for your own personal use, in the Listening section of the website.
 
Blessings to you, your loved ones and all your relations
May your flight upward be serendipitous and filled with a grace that knows no bounds
 
Tom Kenyon
August 17, 2020

original

Photographer Credit: Jena Vignola

Way before I began delving into Advaita Vedanta and nondual teachings of all sorts, I often had a thought – an idea – a feeling,

What if I AM really infinity? Holy shit, how horrifying.

It’s a scary thought … to imagine that you’ll exist forever.

Who wants to live forever? (Not here anyway)

On the other hand, there’s the human fear of death.

Holy shit, I’m going to die. I won’t exist anymore.

Which is more terrifying:

living forever or not existing at all?

Over a decade of existential introspection and contemplation, I’ve never found a concrete answer.

In fact, I don’t think that the purpose of IS-NESS is to find an answer to anything.

This HUMAN BEING is the only ‘thing’ we’ve got.

It appears as a hard cold fact. Skin and bones. But, for sure, this solid ‘thing’ ain’t anything close to IS-NESS. This concrete form is like a Xerox duplicator for the Mind. You think, you imagine, and Voila, it shows itself! The mind is the duplicator, the body is the copy.

Which Mind is the Original?

The closest I’ve come to feeling intimate with knowing the “Original” was when I briefly experienced a merging of Subject and Object during meditation. And everything in time stopped. And the meaning of One Mind became clear. (still not an answer, only an intuitive feeling)

The other time was when I was like 10 years old walking home from school and suddenly observed myself as the observer –  I turned my attention back on attention Itself. I was only 10 so I didn’t really comprehend the depth of that experience, but I never lost the perfume it left on my consciousness.

At the present time, I’ve got this cancer thing going on. And, naturally, I’ve contemplated the reality of not living in this body anymore. I’ve wasted a little time wondering why this thing called cancer exists, and what it really is. But the inquiry usually leads me nowhere.

Thinking, thinking

Subject – Object

A vicious cycle. For a non-existent answer.

So now, let’s contemplate this … the photo that inspired this contemplation. (thanks to talented photographer, Jena Vignola)

There’s a background, an All-ness, the neutral-colored wall in the photo above.

There’s a pink sink and pink mirror frame. Let’s imagine Original Creation is the neutral-colored background Wall. The pink sink and mirror frame are the Objects floating in a sea of it’s Creator’s all-encompassing neutrality. But there’s a mirror. There’s an opportunity for even the Creator’s copy to look into the mirror to see it’s object self and contemplate, What am I?.

The Object and the Subject have never really become separate from one another. That’s the illusion.

Why? Why would Creation play such a ridiculous game?

Does it want to keep BEING itself and SEEING itself and FEELING itself again and again and again? …….

Is it’s devotion to ITSELF an INFINITE, never-ending and unfathomable experience to the lowly OBJECT it has created?

Why?

Again, no answer. Just an intuitive imaginative image:

The OBJECT is only a thought in the MIND of GOD. But even those words are insufficient.

Maybe just the photo suffices … a splash of color showing itself on the background of neutrality.

It only wants to experience ITSELF… and look back to see what it looks like.

You heard that I said to you, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you. If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father, for the Father is great than I am’. John 14:28

Logos

When I received “Man’s Search for Meaning” (a book by Viktor E. Frankl) I immediately dove in – my dear friend, Zahara, had gifted me with a copy and informed me she would be reading it along with me.

Well, I should know better. My sensitivities to the horrors of Auschwitz always feels like I had been there in a past life, and just reading about it – I seem to re-live the events all over again.

For the first 40 pages, I thought, I am NOT going to get through this, this unimaginable, unthinkable, suffering.

I hoped that the eventual fruit of this torturous reading would be worth the trauma.

It was.

And no better moment to receive this wisdom – stuck in my own psycho drama … questioning life’s meaning … ready to throw in the towel and give up treatment … feeling loss of purpose … a mere Guinea pig for the cancer cartel. Thoughts like, I can’t go on like this anymore …. blah, blah, blah.

And what does life place in my lap? This gift from a man born in Vienna 1905, his meaningful message. His wisdom reaffirms the treasure my soul is quietly holding for me, patiently awaiting my recognition.

Below, an especially lovely excerpt that filled my heart with meaning:

“Let me recall that which was perhaps the deepest experience I had in the concentration camp. The odds of surviving the camp were no more than one in twenty eight, as can easily be verified by exact statistics. It did not even seem possible, let alone probable, that the manuscript of my first book, which I had hidden in my coat when I arrived at Auschwitz, would ever be rescued. Thus, I had to undergo and to overcome the loss of my mental child. And now it seemed as if nothing and no one would survive me; neither a physical nor a mental child of my own! So I found myself confronted with the question whether under such circumstances my life was ultimately void of any meaning.

Not yet did I notice that an answer to the question with which I was wrestling so passionately was already in store for me, and that soon thereafter this answer would be given to me. This was the case when I had to surrender my clothes and in turn inherited the worn-out rags of an inmate who had already been sent to the gas chamber immediately after his arrival at the Auschwitz railway station. Instead of the many pages of my manuscript, I found in a pocket of the newly acquired coat a single page torn out of a Hebrew prayer book, containing the most important Jewish prayer, Shema Yisrael. How should I have interpreted such a “coincidence” other than as a challenge to live my thoughts instead of merely putting them on paper?

A bit later, I remember, it seemed to me that I would die in the near future. In this critical situation, however, my concern was different from that of most of my comrades. Their question was, “Will we survive the camp? For, if not, all this suffering has no meaning.” The question which beset me was, “Has all this suffering, this dying around us, a meaning? For, if not, then ultimately there is no meaning to survival; for a life whose meaning depends upon such a happenstance-as whether one escapes or not-ultimately would not be worth living at all.”

Man’s Search For Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

I got my dreams back

I keep a dream journal.

It’s about a decade since the practice was first suggested by my yoga teacher, Gail (my very first teacher/guru).

I don’t think she’s aware how valuable that suggestion turned out for me.

I even created a website, The Yoga of Dreaming, where I document my dream/awake life happenings with intent to inspire a community of like-minded dreamers to participate.  The website is a work in progress, on hold at present, but I’ll return my energy to it when the time feels right.

Interestingly, about a week ago I noticed a long lapse of no dream recall. Like 3 or 4 weeks – no dreams!

What’s going on? I wondered. Could it be that Dream Tincture from the Columbia Care medical marijuana store?

The “pharmacist” at the medical marijuana store carefully selected just the right “medicine” for me based on my evaluation:

I’ve read the research on CBD’s anti-inflammatory qualities. But I hate smoking pot … I get paranoid and can’t shut my mind down … the smoke hurts my lungs … I’ve tried the chocolate marijuana and had the same problem …  I need my rest at night, and what I’ve tried so far isn’t helping.

So he prescribed the Dream Tincture liquid:

A liquid drop each night before sleep – start by taking the smallest dose. A drop under the tongue, hold in mouth for a minute, swallow and you’ll be off to a night of sweet dreams.

After about 3 or 4 weeks of religiously taking my nightly dose, I noticed that I was indeed sleeping like a baby again. Quick to fall asleep, no tossing and turning.

But no dreaming …  WTF?

Hey, if this CBD is supposed to be healing for my inflammatory breast cancer that’s great – but if I’m never gunna dream again, fuck that!

So I stopped taking it.

My husband was flabbergasted by my decision. “You’re actually going to stop taking something you believe is healing for your cancer so you can remember your dreams?”

“Yes.” And exactly 3 days later my dream life resumed.

And the dream was a gem.  

I titled this dream Overcome with Joy:

               I witness what looked like a grocery store for elderly folk. I’m inside, observing the shoppers pushing their carts. I’m sensing the feeling of community and kindness among the customers. I watch my mother as she pushes her cart. Another shopper “finds” something and places it in Mom’s cart. I am aware that this item is something “special” and it is intended to be given to me as a gift. It’s a dish of food/dessert (?) with cellophane wrapping and a ribbon. I watch from afar. I know it’s for me. I can feel Mom’s thoughts. It’s a humble gift, but she looks forward to bestow this gift upon me and feels happy that she is able to do so. I begin to cry, at first uncontrollably, then with a smile and a feeling of overwhelming joy. I say to myself out loud through my tears, I am overcome with so much JOY!

There are really no words for the depth of love this dream imparted on my consciousness. Whether it was a literal “gift” from my mother’s consciousness to mine or a message from an unknown level of existence assuring me that this is the love that is the Reality of Life – and this is what it feels like.

I don’t know. And it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I will never forget that feeling. And it was given as a gift in my dream.

the thief in the night

Of the many dreams I’ve recorded in my journals, this one is the most unforgettable, disturbingly real, frightful, and misunderstood.

Why am I compelled to blog about this now, on this day, six years later?

I don’t know …….

But here goes:

It is the evening of March 28, 2013. I am attending a 7-day Silent Retreat at The Garrison Institute, in Garrison, NY. Once a Capuchin monastery, and at one time inhabited solely by Wappinger Nation of Native Americans, it remains a profoundly sacred site.

This retreat was facilitated by my guru, Adyashanti, an American born spiritual teacher of Zen Buddhist lineage; however, he remains unaffiliated with any religious point of view, belief system, or doctrine, remaining true and open to what is found within all of us.

My week-long lodging is a third floor room which is shared with a lovely young woman named Nicole. We meet and greet on arrival, and remain silent for the remainder of the week.

Our shared room consists of two single beds on opposite walls, a sink, small desk, chair, and a window with very small closet space.

The schedule for the retreat is rigorous. With 6 daily 40-minute meditation hall sessions, meals in the dining hall with 300 attendees (in total silence), and regular evening dharma talks given by Adya.

It’s the time of year around traditional Easter and Passover celebrations, and Adya’s talks for the retreat is titled: “Jesus, The Revolutionary Mystic”.

So it’s day 3 of the retreat. The evening dharma talk ends. Lights out at 10 pm sharp. I’m tossing and turning in the starchy white sheets.

Lying there, I am unexpectedly aware of a HUGE PRESENCE in the room. This presence FILLS THE ENTIRE ROOM.

Immediately, I’m overcome with a sense of PRIMAL FEAR.

I am aware of two GIANT HANDS gathering and pulling on the sheets.

I am PARALYZED in FEAR. I sense the hands are going to take hold of me.

The sheets are quickly being wrapped around me, encasing me like a mummy.

The two GIANT HANDS slide beneath my now mummified body and LIFT my physical body out of the bed. I’m held up at the ceiling in the corner of the room, wrapped up tightly in the sheet, facing down into the room.

From my aerial view, I witness my roommate in her bed sleeping.

I make desperate attempts to SCREAM to my roommate,

HELP ME PLEASE …. HELP ME PLEASE ….. WHY ARE YOU NOT HELPING ME?

But I have NO VOICE, just guttural sounds come out of my mouth.

I am unaware how I’m placed back in my bed. But I fall into a DREAMING sleep. In the sleep dream, I’m alone in the room. I go outside into the hall and ask a woman, “What happened to Domenica?”. I am referring to my roommate who is missing from her bed. The woman responds, “She had to leave the room because she couldn’t sleep with all the noise.”

I awoke at 5 o’clock AM, fully aware and remembering the TERROR I experienced. Of note, my roommate is still in her bed sleeping.

I rise to find my way into the dimly lit silent hallway, into the bathroom stall, and proceed to sob uncontrollably. Deep wailing, like I’d lost a child.

When I was able to compose myself, I was still too terrified to return to my bedroom, so I ventured into the hallway Sitting Room. There I was able to make myself a hot cup of tea to ease my still trembling body. I was accompanied by a lone gentleman, and in silence I felt consoled and safe simply by his tall, gentle presence. A bald, slim, over 6-foot tall gentle giant. I will never forget his calming presence.

I was finally able to compose myself after the 7:30 AM meditation sitting. However, I remained haunted by this experience throughout the entire retreat.

At retreat end, when silence broke, my roommate and I embraced. She explained to me that my cries that night were terrifying to her, and she was tempted to assist me, but she had the intuitive wisdom to know that whatever it was that I was experiencing was necessary, and that she should not intervene.

I have contemplated many interpretations for this lucid dream/astral projection/out of body experience/God-knows-whatever it was ……..

My present understanding rests in the simple fact that our physical existence in this material world is a mere copy of REALITY observing Itself.

But we’ve lost the knowledge of REALITY.

So when we’re about to confront IT (reality), which was the purpose of the retreat, the primal gut reaction is FEAR.

Perhaps, as our human Being spiritually matures, the fear lessens?

Apparently, I was not ready 6 years ago.

Maybe I’m getting closer……….

photo: The Perth Mummy, Takherheb

There is never more or less of life

There’s a poignant recollection that comes to my mind after completing the last chapter of The Most Important Thing (Adyashanti).

Many years ago, I had attended my Aunt Dolly’s funeral service. One of her closest and beloved nieces, Wendy, who happened to be a devout born-again Christian, was conversing with me about Aunt Dolly. When Wendy mentioned how happy she was that Aunt Dolly was in ‘heaven’ I felt compelled to say, “No, I think she’s right here, right next to me, in the very fabric of my sweater.”

Wendy did not reply, and from her expression I sensed she had no idea what I meant.

At that time, neither did I exactly know what I meant, but something deep within me knew it was true, and I felt obliged to express it in that moment.

This week, I’ve been thinking about my mom who died 5 months ago. I’ve been feeling her. This feeling of mom brings on emotions that come from so many conditioned responses to my own memories; sadness, guilt, disappointment, and even joy and deep love.

But more important than the emotions that arise, I notice how my perception of life as always present has enhanced my ability to feel mom.

It has been such a reward to have read this book which acknowledges this feeling I’ve always sensed but have not found the words for:

“If you have ever been with someone who is dying, you know that the changing of the form, the moment of death, is discernable. Even if in that moment when it happens you have your eyes closed, you know; it is a powerful moment.

It is an honor to be present when someone passes, as it is a profoundly deep and moving experience, but death is experienced differently when we know that life does not disappear as the form disappears.

This is why people can lose a loved one and suddenly feel their loved one everywhere.
We think of that as a poetic experience – the human imagination projecting the memory of somebody we’ve loved – and as something we do with our mind and our ideas, but there is also a reality to it beyond the ideas.

That person always was life, and although the form life took has disappeared, the life itself is everywhere.

To feel that someone is everywhere is not merely a romantic comfort created by those who are grieving. It touches a fundamental reality; the forms change, and there is a definitive moment of the changing of the form, but there is no more and no less life.

This is why when we awaken, when we are realized, we know there is no birth or death in some essential sense; there is the changing of forms, but not the beginning and the end of one’s existence. So in Zen, when they say the real reason for the whole spiritual endeavor is to resolve the Great Matter of birth, life, and death, they mean it.

As long as we are caught in the realm of acceptance and rejection, believing and disbelieving, we are living in a world of abstraction. That is what spiritual teachers mean- at least it is what I mean – by saying we are living in a dream. Therefore, believing or disbelieving is not the point.

The real instinct for enlightenment or awakening or God comes from a kind of dissatisfaction – from no longer wanting to live an abstracted life, no longer wanting your life to continue to contribute to the world of sorrow, and paying attention to the desire to have a rich and deep experience of being instead of one created by what you believe. This is the real enlightenment impulse.

Trust the quiet spaces within, because they are the ultimate sutras of existence”.

The Most Important Thing, Adyashanti, (bold, italics supplied by me)
PHOTO CREDIT: “Angel Wings” taken by my dear friend, Annette Adams

 

 

 

 

Ode to Opossum

On my front porch stoop, I sit
cold February day, but sun-lit

Petting Goldie, my feral cat
she’s behaving strangely, I can sense that

Lady, can’t you see?
she urges me

Below the stoop to the left, I glance
to view a dead opossum, by chance

Innards half eaten, and frozen stiff
a raccoon, or a coyote, I wonder if

His spirit still there?
does he sense that I care?

I fetch the shovel to carry away
the petrified corpse, now free from affray

Far behind the house I choose the plot
frozen leaves and branches, I clear a slot

I make a blanket with sticks and dried leaves
to cover his corpse that no longer grieves

Now you are free from the body cage-jail
I honor my dead friend with the prehensile tail

It has been such an interesting week. I have had so many synchronistic occurrences, and I’m noticing more and more how every single thought manifests itself through form (a body). I recognize more deeply how Father Time veils our wisdom, hiding the reality that it’s actually all occurring simultaneously. I think I’m learning something new, but it’s actually what I know already. Thankfully, my dream time opens up my mind again, at least while I’m in deep sleep. But damn, that illusive “time” covers it over with ignorance when my morning alarm goes off.

It has become obvious to me the meaninglessness of the labels we get stuck to. But they’re sooooo energetically sticky, like Superglue.

Vegan/ Carnivore
White/ Black
Nationalist/Globalist
Christian/Jew
Left/Right
Straight/Gay
Theist/Atheist
Human/Alien
Elite/Blue collar

We get stuck to the label, and then BELIEVE IN the label, and the mind closes up!
None of it is true. We don’t even know what consciousness IS.

“You can’t be open-minded when you label yourself with anything!” Freedom Fighters Florida

unknown

It’s often the simplest seeming gesture or word/idea that serves as a deep awakening.

As I’m reading The Most Important Thing, (Adyashanti), I’m reminded ….

How we IDENTIFY with a thought about absolutely anything can create either suffering or happiness.

This has been so helpful for me to re-cognize, again, simple as it is.

Further grace dropped into my consciousness while I was revisiting my old dream journals, as I’m preparing to work on my new project, The Yoga of Dreaming.

I was reminded of a teaching at a silent retreat that served a deep awakening for me, at that time:

“You will NEVER find TRUTH looking through the MIND”

Why is this SO important to re-cognize?

Because the Mind’s nonstop evaluation of its perceptions are occurring in TIME (in this dimension of reality)

We already know Time is an illusion, right? But in Time the only thing we can actually KNOW through EXPERIENCE is the present moment

Everything else is the UNKNOWN

The unknown = FEAR (most of the time), especially the unknowing about death

Which leaves 99.99999% of us living in FEAR (aka anxiety) pretty much all of the TIME

To eliminate this constant state of fear, our only hope would be to let go of identifying with the MIND’s obsessive compulsion to make up stories about everything – and then believe it’s TRUE!!!!

Sounds simple enough.

But it’s not simple. Why?

Because the UNKNOWN will always be the only thing that is TRUE.

Our MIND cannot accept that.

What can we do?

Sit still. Be quiet. Observe. Listen. Feel. Laugh. Watch nature. Trust. Open your heart to gratitude. Take Action without attaching to outcome. Be YOU, authentically.

KNOW that you will never KNOW.

Remind yourself every day.

Even this writing is not true.
It’s just an attempt to express the ineffable……..

suggestions welcome

angel of death dream

DREAM:

observing the sky from a large floor to ceiling window.

in awe of a light formation in the early evening sky

it moved like swirls of wispy cloud-like substance

fast and spinning, up and down, in and out, and in a split second it’s GONE

Holy shit, what the fuck? 

I’m astonished

what the hell was that????

a moment later it reappeared in the same white cloud substance

but it was up close next to my window

it took the form of a SKELETON

not bones though, a cloud substance skeleton figure, animated as if talking to me

now I’m terror struck that this is happening right in front of my eyes

3-D LIFE:

Certain life-events yesterday may have contributed to my subconscious message to Self.

  1. Deeply moved by words I heard (credit and thanks to Global Witness, Derek’s You Tube dharma): “Everything we see in this world is a COPY of something that’s invisible, and a poor one at that”
  2. Driving along Route 17M, I have an unusually compelling impulse to look at my mileage (I never do this) and the number is 11, 144.
  3. Life is becoming more challenging by the moment for personal and family relations and requiring my most mature spiritual understanding to discern the events.
  4. Halloween really is about ghosts LOL

So how is God revealing Itself to Myself through this dream?

  • Don’t take things so damn seriously?
  • Accept the impermanence of EVERYTHING with a lighter heart?
  • Remember that my most important work here is to SEE THROUGH the bullshit and always look toward the TRUTH?
  • Understand that death is not at all what we’ve been programmed to believe?
  • Life’s potentiality is limitless in form?

Suggestions are welcome …….. in love and light.

(photo: Bird of Paradise, NY Botanical Gardens, Oct 2018)