my prayer song

(sung to music from Give Me Love, George Harrison)

speak through me

help me see

through this heavy veil                              

free my mind

keep me kind

show me how to love

Let me serve

teach me truth, in this crazy world

feeling lost, it’s so dark that my

spirit dies      

Om m m m m m m m m m m
M m m my lord …

Please pry open my eyes so

I might truly see   

Oh yes See, oh yes See

forgive me    

forgive us     

let us live our truth  

teach us how           

to be free,     

keep us without fear           

learning to,

Hear your voice, in this noisy world   

learning to, trust and know You through

Love and Light        

Om m m m m m m m mm

M m m my lord …

knowledge

Today’s contemplation …

Step 115: Today I will listen to the Power of Knowledge: Upon the hour, remind yourself to listen to Knowledge and take a moment to do so in whatever circumstance you find yourself. Steps to Knowledge, Marshall Vian Summers

I’ve begun to realize that Knowledge is always available. When we remove ourselves from the incessant wanting (desire) to possess something that is impossible to grasp (Absolute Truth), the pointers are in everything that IS.

Upon becoming still and open-hearted, placing one’s attention on receiving (hearing, seeing, feeling), IT presents Itself in infinite forms.

I don’t claim any religious belief as the only way, and I don’t claim any intellectual belief as the only way. In fact, I don’t claim any belief as “the way.”

Perhaps that’s one of my pitfalls to Knowledge. I’m open to everything that invokes Wisdom (knowledge).

Today, I found Wisdom in both of these seemingly opposing perspectives; a Neoplatonist and an Hasidic rabbi. Knowledge is found in infinite forms – always pointing to the same Truth.

(entirety of talks are linked below the quotations)

“Some people only study physical phenomena. They slice it up and stick it in a microscope and that’s all they know. That’s all well and fine, but a true rounded person is interested in the totality of cosmic mechanics, what is and what is not, and how the universe works – is interested, as the greatest and wisest minds were, definitively, undeniably, interested in both physics and metaphysics, which are in totality a holos, just a one. You know a coin is not a head or a tail, it’s the coin and the silver of the coin, so these are not two different things.” 

Ken Wheeler

“Love is a tricky word. We don’t need to be told to love ourselves, we need to be told to share some of the love we have for ourselves. That’s the whole code of morality. You love yourself, can you give a little away? All your natural instincts are not meant for you . That is a huge lesson in life.

***   We are taught that study is extremely important, why?  So then you can teach. Even studying is not for yourself it’s so you can teach. Knowledge, information, wisdom, very important because then you can share it. Get yourself healthy, so you can turn your attention to others.

Rabbi Manis Friedman

heart cloud photo credit: Annette Adams

You can find it, my dears

This delightful man, who looks like Santa Claus graced me with his words today.

Here are just some of the sparkling word gems he shared that brightened my spirit, and confirmed what I know to be True, what he defines as,

This eternally present invisible presence – that which of course is completely unshaken by the dramas of this world.

In the bible there are 365 references to don’t be afraid, fear not, one for every day of the year. The Bible is full of clever things like this.

When you’re sure of your identity with the Eternal, when you discover what man really is, which is Spirit, then the worries about the flesh they diminish. The Spirit gets stronger until you really just laugh at it.

Compared to bad thinking, all the chemicals and plastics in the world is peanuts.

This world is a shadow of Divine origin, it comes to pass just like a nightmare. It has no reality of itself. Its only real as far as we believe in it. That is the fact. When one person even has the foggiest notion of this, it somehow raises the general level of consciousness. Those that recognize it more fully help to raise it even more.

Those that fully realize the infinite nature of man, they lift the whole world.

You can find it, my dears. It’s well documented. I’m one of many, many who have realized it and I’m pleased to share it.

me-dia (my god)

When I was ready to graduate high school I had to choose a quote to place under my yearbook photo. Always acting from a strange intuition that I never questioned, I chose lyrics from ‘Stairway to Heaven’ (It was 1978).

There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

I wasn’t so sure what it meant at the time.

There are many interpretations of the famous song; but one of them is that you can’t find happiness, peace, truth, God, light here in the material riches of the world. I think I’ve always known that; although my paths to recognizing it’s truth has been varied. I’ve changed roads many times.

But this single road has always been calling to me. What road is this?

It’s the road that is NOW (past, present and future), aka, the middle pillar (the third eye, aka, ajna – sanskrit for perceiving, light).

The ONLY path there is.

We can’t see it with our physical eyes or hear it with our physical ears. Yet, something within always knows it’s there.

This world’s insane great divide that appears on our black screens to tell us what’s happening wants to divide us into two separate paths. One of them appears to be technocratic control and transhumanism. The other appears to be freedom from control and government/medical manipulation.

However, upon close contemplation, this is a fraud. The only REAL freedom exists through the ONE middle pillar. It is not of this world. It has nothing to do with this world’s corrupt government options.

It is the path to Truth and Light and Happiness that is Everlasting (regardless of the pain and suffering and tears one may endure while in the physical world).

It is a place where the mind finds stillness.

As a wise woman of alchemy and linguistics, Lavette, says, “The word media actually means mi – dio (my god). And unfortunately, we’ve allowed the media to be our god. It is guiding us further down the path of deceit and corruption.

So how do we live in this world?

Look deeply.

Be still to gather your inner knowing, and sit with it.

Use your breath to quiet the chaos.

Know what you’re for (instead of dwelling on what you’re against) and take action on that.

Trust the Middle Pillar (the inner knowing) and the guides will appear.

I’m prayerfully asking this NOW for me,

for humanity,

and for our beautiful planet’s real potential to exist as heaven through our conscious mind that is ONE with God.

Namaste.

Enjoy this lovely woman’s wise soulful words:

unknowing

The day was so perfect for walking outdoors. Endless blue sky. Sunshine so blaring that my shade glasses couldn’t even soften the intensity of brightness.

A perfect moment to hear God’s voice.

It’s your own incessant knowing that is deceiving you.

Why is it you accept your unknowing about death; but can’t accept your unknowing about life?

So often you’ll recognize that no matter what you think you can’t absolutely know what death is. Why can’t you recognize that you can’t absolutely know what life is?

None of MY creations can know. Only the Creator holds the WHOLENESS of Knowing.

If you could see and hear the Reality of Being you would recognize the jewels of creation in a way you can’t now.

You would drop to your knees right now and place your lips on the dirt and stones beneath your feet.

You would raise your eyes to the blaring sun and cry out in devotion and amazement of its glory.

You would raise your arms to the endless blue sky and surrender to your ignorance of Life Itself.

Faith and hope and wonder and surprise and joy and ecstasy would fill your heart beyond your understanding.

Until then, you have not come full circle.

You remain on the rat wheel thinking you know something about life and making up stories and ideas that are simply beliefs you want to believe are true.

None of them are true, Janet.

ONLY I AM IS TRUTH.

THE BEGINNING, THE END, THE ALL.

Upon hearing God’s voice today, I really wanted to kneel down and place my lips on the dirt. Or lift my arms and bow down in adoration to the sun above. But I didn’t want my neighbors to think I’m a complete lunatic. The ego still holds its grip.

As I humbly continued my walk home, I saw the details of shadow and light in a more pronounced vibrancy.

Arriving home, I saw my husband in a new light. I saw my cancer in a new light. I saw my anger, my love, my emotions and my fragile body as a miraculous fleeting experience in my own awareness.

I will forget … but it’s okay … when I’m ready to remember ….

God’s voice is omnipresent

the sun is shining, wow

My brother told me about this new series on YouTube by Peter Santenello.

I am intrigued, as always, to learn how people devoted to God express their devotion in their own unique way. Having grown up in a town (Monsey, NY) that was populated with Hasidic Jews (a very small community back in 1965), it was my first introduction as a child to the culture and ways of this community.

This series was candid and sincere. For me, it was inspiring to witness how people continue to ensue traditions based on strong foundational truths.

There was a part in Episode 2 (there are 3 episodes) when a young boy spoke from his heart. His words, most of all, moved deeply the sense of God in my own heart:

7:25: “the sun is shining, wow”

18:06: “sometimes I can’t see the good, but I know its good”

as they say, from the mouth of babes….

movement and rest

What an intense week. For most humans on this planet, the chaos is felt. It is disconcerting, for me, to witness the insanity on so many levels.

Daily, I must remind myself to look at this from a higher perspective.

To imagine I’m seeing the whole puzzle from an aerial view … to soften and widen my narrow, small-minded personal viewpoint.

This higher looking – that I must remind myself to practice – always draws out a more compassionate understanding.

But I am not adept yet. Far from it.

In fact, I’ve been falling apart frequently.

This falling apart is something I’m not normally accustomed to, and so it has been extremely unnatural for me to “lose it

The first of emotional breakdowns happened earlier this week …

I was forced to have a Covid nose swab at MSK prior to a radiation simulation. Having been there every single week for the past year without this test, I was infuriated at the complete lack of logic to insist I have the test now. My disbelief and distrust in the accuracy of the testing process only worsened the matter for me.

My rebellious resistance against nonsensical, man-made rules and regulations that infringe upon my natural God-given freedom.

I could have said NO to the swab test. But then I’d not be able to be simulated for the scheduled radiation treatment my doctors recommended, which I had finally agreed to do.

SO I LET THEM DO IT.

How I hated myself for that. For sacrificing my beliefs. For consenting to what felt like a violation of my rights. For giving in.

From my toes to the crown of my head, I became inflated with rage, with self loathing.

Standing in the parking lot I cried out loud, God, please take me now, I don’t want to live on this earth anymore.

My husband witnessed this. This poor man who has stood by my side through the entire cancer drama. Watching his wife have a breakdown over what appeared to him nothing to be upset about.

“Do you think you’re the ONLY ONE with cancer here?” Was his attempt to snap me back to some sort of reality.

I was behaving like a crazy woman.

You don’t understand. This is against everything I believe.

***

That day my entire being was shook to the core. It was 24 hours before I regained some emotional balance. Only to fall back down again today.

I DID IT AGAIN!

I consented.

I signed the consent form to the MSK Trial for Clinical Research.

I’ll do it, but hear me, this is it, I’m done. After this, no more.”

“Okay, Jan, I’m with you. I agree and will support your decision to quit after this.”

But all I could think was, What am I doing? Have I gone completely fucking insane? How could I let myself do this again? A fucking science experiment, a lab rat!

***

The view from above … boy did I lose it.

I let myself get lost and sucked into the personal mind’s drama and the global mind’s propaganda.

God, please help us see from your clear view above. From your perfectly balanced seat of movement and rest.

break-through

Whenever I seem to experience what I’d call a Newness of Attention/Awareness I recognize these two distinctions:

If the Newness of Attention/Awareness is experienced on a lower level emotion; i.e., fear, anger, despair, disgust, arrogance, regret, resentment, unforgiveness ….

Usually, almost always, it is the direct result of a duality-focused mindset – the analytical, thinking, separate mind of egoic consciousness.

However, when the Newness of Attention/Awareness is experienced on a higher level emotion; i.e., compassion, acceptance, gratitude, wonderment, faith, humor, glee …

There is no mind-causality – it’s bestowed as pure grace.

I noticed this, especially, because it happened TODAY.

Out of nowhere.

Like a sunray peaking through a cloud-filled sky.

Not of my own doing – or of anyone else.

I clearly recognized the power/strength of my human will while simultaneously feeling the equanimity of the mystery of God’s perfection in guiding my every moment.

A peacefulness beyond any logical understanding.

In this state of grace, I knew something had downloaded into my consciousness. An unexpected gift after a brief time of sadness.

I was intuitively moved to revisit my tattered copy of the I Ching for a reading … for perhaps a deeper insight to this momentary opening to the Presence of Peace.

Here’s what the coins I threw revealed …

43. Kuai / Break-through (Resoluteness)

above TUI THE JOYOUS, LAKE

below CH’ien THE CREATIVE, HEAVEN

This hexagram signifies on the one hand a break-through after a long accumulation of tension, as a swollen river breaks through its dikes, or in the manner of a cloudburst. On the other hand, applied to human conditions, it refers to the time when inferior people gradually begin to disappear. Their influence is on the wane; as a result of resolute action, a change in condition occurs, a break-through.

The hexagram Kuai actually means a break-through as when a river bursts its damn in seasons of flood. The five strong lines are thought of as mounting from below, resolutely forcing the weak upper lines out of the hexagram. The same idea evolves from the images. The lake has evaporated and mounted to the sky. There it will discharge itself as a cloudburst. Here again, we have the idea of a break-through.

The I Ching or Book of Changes, Wilhelm/Baynes

As I acknowledge the Source (God) of ALL THAT IS, I cannot neglect appreciation and honor for every being that contributes to my life

– every being – human and non-human –

who has held me up

and made me laugh

and made me weep

and evoked every potential emotion out of this bodysuit I dwell in.

It is unspeakable how miraculous this life really is.

May that understanding keep hold in my heart forever …..

and in yours …

Namaste.

Reveal my purpose

Eventually the sadnesses was bound to reveal itself

For a time I was so sure this Living Self IS Divine Purpose

Even the Mystery of it’s plan found a place where acceptance lived within my heart

Really, I felt the grace of it’s presence

FULL acceptance of it all – incurable cancer diagnosis … chemo life sentence … pain returns just when I begin to feel better … unfulfilled dreams … slow fading beauty of my womanhood … creeping onset of muscle atrophy … fading memory of teaching yoga … steadily declining potential for useful work in this world

An Aching Angst is pushing the Acceptance right out of it’s dwelling place and it’s squeezing hard against my heart muscles

Oh God, the sadness

It’s so debilitating

But then the Voice of my intuition begins to whisper, Let the sadness move Itself through you for a while. It’s necessary

My intellect replies, But it’s annihilating all the strength and courage in my heart. It’s infiltrating Itself through my tissues, my skin. The tears, the sobbing, dear God, it’s so painful. I gotta stop it!

You know, there is a connection to Source beyond our wildest imagination

Here’s how it showed up for me … in a weekly Kabbalah Center podcast …

just one sentence …

Let every moment be a deep longing prayer to the Light of the Divine Creator:

REVEAL TO ME MY PURPOSE

(Be open, and listen to the signs, but you will have to do this hundreds of thousands of times until the truth of it is revealed to you).

It really is a miracle – Light’s capacity to expel darkness.

dream message

When I awoke this morning, I had a feeling/knowing sense about my dream experience.

Here’s my recollection:

There were images. They stood on their own, like beings. These images appeared as black shapes, (symbols?) tall, thin, rounded, simplistic amoeba-like forms. I had no understanding of their relative size (large, small?), just a feeling/knowing that these black symbol/shapes represented something huge and …

Invincible

Irrepressible

Unaffected

Innate

Unintentional

Neutral

Endless

It was as if they were appearing to me as timeless representatives of all of those qualities, informing my consciousness that they were the alpha and the omega, the beginning-less and end-less ground of all EXISTENCE.

In my dream experience, the feeling/knowing imparted by these symbol/images was a sense of pure ease and certainty of all truth and meaning in their underlying existence to all known LIFE.

I awoke wishing I could have had something more solid to translate to my limited thinking mind, and I remain humbled by the mystery of the unknown Divine Majesty of Life which we (all humans on earth) remain unaware of.

I want to believe that the shapes represent the symbols we have built our belief systems on from the beginning of known existence. The symbols that we have used to create our own realities. And that their essence is the building block of all known reality here on earth.

If any reader has had a similar experience, or insight, please do share.

I’ll close with this sacred text …

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was a god.* (or “was Divine.)

John 1:1-3