ethereal

Ethereal: extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world.

dictionary

A lightness of seeing occurred today while walking outside in the sunshine.

Perhaps its the effect of the Proton Therapy radiation beams building in the tissues of my body.

Or perhaps it was just Divine timing to allow an experience (imagining?) of something out of the ordinary.

Something within me knows I’ve always had an affinity to recognize other portals of consciousness.

Being away from home and living in a hotel for a month opens the senses to new sights and sounds … then adding to the equation daily radiation treatment for a tumor engulfed in my brachial plexus nerves, serving as a constant reminder of the vulnerability of this flesh and bone bodysuit.

Taking a pre-sunset walk outdoors, I felt beckoned to take a route down an unknown pathway. A sidewalk leading downhill along a road I had once known a few decades ago. I worked there – Stryker – a huge international corporate entity – makers of robotic medical devices.

God, how I hated that job.

It was a time of being in-between careers when I got kind of lost and ended up as a temp admin for a Stryker team working on the Oracle countdown (the company-wide data transfer to a new IT system – Oracle). Each morning sitting in the parking lot pre-workday I’d recite a prayer from Psalms, always ending with Please grant me the strength and grace to make it through another day at Stryker. It was a cold building – mentally and physically- robotic in nature – and I sensed it oozing through the cold slabs of the concrete walls.

And yet this evening’s walk took me down the pathway to the same Stryker building, but this time the view was from a surreal, perfectly manicured landscaped pathway. Every tree perfectly placed along shrub-lined islands blooming with spring color.

Is this the place I despised so much? It looked like paradise.

Memories flashed …. the myriad of feelings resurfaced in my psyche.

I walked … and remembered … and mentally revisited.

And on the way back up the winding pathway through paradise, I had a revelation of sorts.

Could this be Spirit’s way of showing me what the ethereal Life is like?

A Life Review from an other-worldly place that feels like paradise?

The feeling sense literally stopped me in my tracks.

Am I really here?

Or am I seeing this from an ethereal Life Review?

I began walking again focusing on the peripheral neuropathy in my feet and allowing myself to feel the way the earth touched my sneakered feet.

I began to see another serendipity. My daily visits to east Harlem for treatment. Another life review. This is the place I worked in my thirties. Now I’m seeing the same Harlem neighborhood through my 61-year-old eyes. The place I grew to know as a young vibrant woman viewed through the eyes of a middle-aged cancer patient.

Back in the physical now, the ethereal moment becomes a memory.

But it served a knowing I will carry through on this journey.

This earthly dimension is so misunderstood, mysterious, miraculous. Everything we’ve been taught is most likely false. This body-suit is simply a belief; at any moment – woooosh – it’s gone. But its Ethereal Source is Eternal.

natural

NATURAL

A picture memory appears in my mind…

The movie Mrs. Doubtfire. When the bus driver notices her hairy knee and says, “Natural, healthy, just the way God made ya.”

As I take my morning bath, I observe the soft hairs growing on my shins.

I’ve lost ALL of my body hair so many times through endless chemotherapy infusions. But after a deliberate 2-month chemo holiday my hair is finally growing back.  I’m grateful to see my body’s ability to grow hair again! I sense a feeling of natural health, just the way God made me.

(Simultaneously, I know that my well being is not dependent upon the state of my physical body).

After a few deep breaths I contemplate the question,

What is NATURAL?

And I notice my mind’s tendency to want to find an answer; but I know from a deeper level that the answer doesn’t exist through my thinking process.

In fact, I also know from a deeper level that NO ANSWERS exist through the thinking processes. So why do I keep going there?

A few more deep breaths. I contemplate the deeper knowing that shows up as an intuitive feeling, and I simply open my heart to listen …

Something informs me … IT Says,

You are a sacred Being.

Every part of your body, even the cells that your human eye cannot observe.

And there is no separation from what is within to what appears to be outside.

This sacredness is the Only quality that comes close to an accurate understanding of the word Natural.

And when you remember and feel and honor and acknowledge that sacredness – down to the last hair on your body  – you are in a state of connection with God as you are made to BE.

Why would you want to alter/change/improve upon/fix/intellectualize this Natural and sacred state of Being that you are?

What could you possibly Know more than this unfathomable Force of Creation that Made you?

That is the question I want you to ask yourself every time you get lost in thought and indecision.

Remember and recognize that through your intellect you have the ability to control and manipulate and profit and alter Life to your preferences  – but you also have the ability to seek action based on the higher purpose of what is Sacred and Natural, to serve something other than your own personal mind’s agenda.

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God.

Matthew 6:32-34

my prayer song

(sung to music from Give Me Love, George Harrison)

speak through me

help me see

through this heavy veil                              

free my mind

keep me kind

show me how to love

Let me serve

teach me truth, in this crazy world

feeling lost, it’s so dark that my

spirit dies      

Om m m m m m m m m m m
M m m my lord …

Please pry open my eyes so

I might truly see   

Oh yes See, oh yes See

forgive me    

forgive us     

let us live our truth  

teach us how           

to be free,     

keep us without fear           

learning to,

Hear your voice, in this noisy world   

learning to, trust and know You through

Love and Light        

Om m m m m m m m mm

M m m my lord …

You can find it, my dears

This delightful man, who looks like Santa Claus graced me with his words today.

Here are just some of the sparkling word gems he shared that brightened my spirit, and confirmed what I know to be True, what he defines as,

This eternally present invisible presence – that which of course is completely unshaken by the dramas of this world.

In the bible there are 365 references to don’t be afraid, fear not, one for every day of the year. The Bible is full of clever things like this.

When you’re sure of your identity with the Eternal, when you discover what man really is, which is Spirit, then the worries about the flesh they diminish. The Spirit gets stronger until you really just laugh at it.

Compared to bad thinking, all the chemicals and plastics in the world is peanuts.

This world is a shadow of Divine origin, it comes to pass just like a nightmare. It has no reality of itself. Its only real as far as we believe in it. That is the fact. When one person even has the foggiest notion of this, it somehow raises the general level of consciousness. Those that recognize it more fully help to raise it even more.

Those that fully realize the infinite nature of man, they lift the whole world.

You can find it, my dears. It’s well documented. I’m one of many, many who have realized it and I’m pleased to share it.

me-dia (my god)

When I was ready to graduate high school I had to choose a quote to place under my yearbook photo. Always acting from a strange intuition that I never questioned, I chose lyrics from ‘Stairway to Heaven’ (It was 1978).

There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

I wasn’t so sure what it meant at the time.

There are many interpretations of the famous song; but one of them is that you can’t find happiness, peace, truth, God, light here in the material riches of the world. I think I’ve always known that; although my paths to recognizing it’s truth has been varied. I’ve changed roads many times.

But this single road has always been calling to me. What road is this?

It’s the road that is NOW (past, present and future), aka, the middle pillar (the third eye, aka, ajna – sanskrit for perceiving, light).

The ONLY path there is.

We can’t see it with our physical eyes or hear it with our physical ears. Yet, something within always knows it’s there.

This world’s insane great divide that appears on our black screens to tell us what’s happening wants to divide us into two separate paths. One of them appears to be technocratic control and transhumanism. The other appears to be freedom from control and government/medical manipulation.

However, upon close contemplation, this is a fraud. The only REAL freedom exists through the ONE middle pillar. It is not of this world. It has nothing to do with this world’s corrupt government options.

It is the path to Truth and Light and Happiness that is Everlasting (regardless of the pain and suffering and tears one may endure while in the physical world).

It is a place where the mind finds stillness.

As a wise woman of alchemy and linguistics, Lavette, says, “The word media actually means mi – dio (my god). And unfortunately, we’ve allowed the media to be our god. It is guiding us further down the path of deceit and corruption.

So how do we live in this world?

Look deeply.

Be still to gather your inner knowing, and sit with it.

Use your breath to quiet the chaos.

Know what you’re for (instead of dwelling on what you’re against) and take action on that.

Trust the Middle Pillar (the inner knowing) and the guides will appear.

I’m prayerfully asking this NOW for me,

for humanity,

and for our beautiful planet’s real potential to exist as heaven through our conscious mind that is ONE with God.

Namaste.

Enjoy this lovely woman’s wise soulful words:

unknowing

The day was so perfect for walking outdoors. Endless blue sky. Sunshine so blaring that my shade glasses couldn’t even soften the intensity of brightness.

A perfect moment to hear God’s voice.

It’s your own incessant knowing that is deceiving you.

Why is it you accept your unknowing about death; but can’t accept your unknowing about life?

So often you’ll recognize that no matter what you think you can’t absolutely know what death is. Why can’t you recognize that you can’t absolutely know what life is?

None of MY creations can know. Only the Creator holds the WHOLENESS of Knowing.

If you could see and hear the Reality of Being you would recognize the jewels of creation in a way you can’t now.

You would drop to your knees right now and place your lips on the dirt and stones beneath your feet.

You would raise your eyes to the blaring sun and cry out in devotion and amazement of its glory.

You would raise your arms to the endless blue sky and surrender to your ignorance of Life Itself.

Faith and hope and wonder and surprise and joy and ecstasy would fill your heart beyond your understanding.

Until then, you have not come full circle.

You remain on the rat wheel thinking you know something about life and making up stories and ideas that are simply beliefs you want to believe are true.

None of them are true, Janet.

ONLY I AM IS TRUTH.

THE BEGINNING, THE END, THE ALL.

Upon hearing God’s voice today, I really wanted to kneel down and place my lips on the dirt. Or lift my arms and bow down in adoration to the sun above. But I didn’t want my neighbors to think I’m a complete lunatic. The ego still holds its grip.

As I humbly continued my walk home, I saw the details of shadow and light in a more pronounced vibrancy.

Arriving home, I saw my husband in a new light. I saw my cancer in a new light. I saw my anger, my love, my emotions and my fragile body as a miraculous fleeting experience in my own awareness.

I will forget … but it’s okay … when I’m ready to remember ….

God’s voice is omnipresent

movement and rest

What an intense week. For most humans on this planet, the chaos is felt. It is disconcerting, for me, to witness the insanity on so many levels.

Daily, I must remind myself to look at this from a higher perspective.

To imagine I’m seeing the whole puzzle from an aerial view … to soften and widen my narrow, small-minded personal viewpoint.

This higher looking – that I must remind myself to practice – always draws out a more compassionate understanding.

But I am not adept yet. Far from it.

In fact, I’ve been falling apart frequently.

This falling apart is something I’m not normally accustomed to, and so it has been extremely unnatural for me to “lose it

The first of emotional breakdowns happened earlier this week …

I was forced to have a Covid nose swab at MSK prior to a radiation simulation. Having been there every single week for the past year without this test, I was infuriated at the complete lack of logic to insist I have the test now. My disbelief and distrust in the accuracy of the testing process only worsened the matter for me.

My rebellious resistance against nonsensical, man-made rules and regulations that infringe upon my natural God-given freedom.

I could have said NO to the swab test. But then I’d not be able to be simulated for the scheduled radiation treatment my doctors recommended, which I had finally agreed to do.

SO I LET THEM DO IT.

How I hated myself for that. For sacrificing my beliefs. For consenting to what felt like a violation of my rights. For giving in.

From my toes to the crown of my head, I became inflated with rage, with self loathing.

Standing in the parking lot I cried out loud, God, please take me now, I don’t want to live on this earth anymore.

My husband witnessed this. This poor man who has stood by my side through the entire cancer drama. Watching his wife have a breakdown over what appeared to him nothing to be upset about.

“Do you think you’re the ONLY ONE with cancer here?” Was his attempt to snap me back to some sort of reality.

I was behaving like a crazy woman.

You don’t understand. This is against everything I believe.

***

That day my entire being was shook to the core. It was 24 hours before I regained some emotional balance. Only to fall back down again today.

I DID IT AGAIN!

I consented.

I signed the consent form to the MSK Trial for Clinical Research.

I’ll do it, but hear me, this is it, I’m done. After this, no more.”

“Okay, Jan, I’m with you. I agree and will support your decision to quit after this.”

But all I could think was, What am I doing? Have I gone completely fucking insane? How could I let myself do this again? A fucking science experiment, a lab rat!

***

The view from above … boy did I lose it.

I let myself get lost and sucked into the personal mind’s drama and the global mind’s propaganda.

God, please help us see from your clear view above. From your perfectly balanced seat of movement and rest.

break-through

Whenever I seem to experience what I’d call a Newness of Attention/Awareness I recognize these two distinctions:

If the Newness of Attention/Awareness is experienced on a lower level emotion; i.e., fear, anger, despair, disgust, arrogance, regret, resentment, unforgiveness ….

Usually, almost always, it is the direct result of a duality-focused mindset – the analytical, thinking, separate mind of egoic consciousness.

However, when the Newness of Attention/Awareness is experienced on a higher level emotion; i.e., compassion, acceptance, gratitude, wonderment, faith, humor, glee …

There is no mind-causality – it’s bestowed as pure grace.

I noticed this, especially, because it happened TODAY.

Out of nowhere.

Like a sunray peaking through a cloud-filled sky.

Not of my own doing – or of anyone else.

I clearly recognized the power/strength of my human will while simultaneously feeling the equanimity of the mystery of God’s perfection in guiding my every moment.

A peacefulness beyond any logical understanding.

In this state of grace, I knew something had downloaded into my consciousness. An unexpected gift after a brief time of sadness.

I was intuitively moved to revisit my tattered copy of the I Ching for a reading … for perhaps a deeper insight to this momentary opening to the Presence of Peace.

Here’s what the coins I threw revealed …

43. Kuai / Break-through (Resoluteness)

above TUI THE JOYOUS, LAKE

below CH’ien THE CREATIVE, HEAVEN

This hexagram signifies on the one hand a break-through after a long accumulation of tension, as a swollen river breaks through its dikes, or in the manner of a cloudburst. On the other hand, applied to human conditions, it refers to the time when inferior people gradually begin to disappear. Their influence is on the wane; as a result of resolute action, a change in condition occurs, a break-through.

The hexagram Kuai actually means a break-through as when a river bursts its damn in seasons of flood. The five strong lines are thought of as mounting from below, resolutely forcing the weak upper lines out of the hexagram. The same idea evolves from the images. The lake has evaporated and mounted to the sky. There it will discharge itself as a cloudburst. Here again, we have the idea of a break-through.

The I Ching or Book of Changes, Wilhelm/Baynes

As I acknowledge the Source (God) of ALL THAT IS, I cannot neglect appreciation and honor for every being that contributes to my life

– every being – human and non-human –

who has held me up

and made me laugh

and made me weep

and evoked every potential emotion out of this bodysuit I dwell in.

It is unspeakable how miraculous this life really is.

May that understanding keep hold in my heart forever …..

and in yours …

Namaste.

Reveal my purpose

Eventually the sadnesses was bound to reveal itself

For a time I was so sure this Living Self IS Divine Purpose

Even the Mystery of it’s plan found a place where acceptance lived within my heart

Really, I felt the grace of it’s presence

FULL acceptance of it all – incurable cancer diagnosis … chemo life sentence … pain returns just when I begin to feel better … unfulfilled dreams … slow fading beauty of my womanhood … creeping onset of muscle atrophy … fading memory of teaching yoga … steadily declining potential for useful work in this world

An Aching Angst is pushing the Acceptance right out of it’s dwelling place and it’s squeezing hard against my heart muscles

Oh God, the sadness

It’s so debilitating

But then the Voice of my intuition begins to whisper, Let the sadness move Itself through you for a while. It’s necessary

My intellect replies, But it’s annihilating all the strength and courage in my heart. It’s infiltrating Itself through my tissues, my skin. The tears, the sobbing, dear God, it’s so painful. I gotta stop it!

You know, there is a connection to Source beyond our wildest imagination

Here’s how it showed up for me … in a weekly Kabbalah Center podcast …

just one sentence …

Let every moment be a deep longing prayer to the Light of the Divine Creator:

REVEAL TO ME MY PURPOSE

(Be open, and listen to the signs, but you will have to do this hundreds of thousands of times until the truth of it is revealed to you).

It really is a miracle – Light’s capacity to expel darkness.

unlocked

Today’s Contemplation:

is your heart and mind like a locked box?

are old beliefs locked inside and new beliefs locked out?

what if you could unlock your heart and mind?

allowing the old conditioned ideas to be released

accepting the possibility that those ideas/beliefs were never really true

Now new ideas and possibilities can enter

Leave the lock off

Leave the box open

Now the hearts True Voice can be deciphered.

Now the mind is open to resonate with the heart

the heart’s innate ability is to choose each action in the present moment without attachment to outcome

Today’s Prayer:

Creator of Life Itself

I open my heart and mind to your True Voice

I offer my ignorance up to You and humbly request your True Wisdom

to inform my action in the present moment

Help me to remember to leave the lock off

Unlock my heart and mind

To receive your Infinite Presence and Truth

And to serve Life through That Wisdom

Show me the way to serve in each moment

I’ve unlocked the box for YOU to enter