was it coincidence our granddaughter arrived for her summer visit
precisely on the day I would learn that my body was failing?
I doubt it
Divine, it’s all divine timing
Her 13-year-old innocence brought a needed distraction
She would sit in the front seat with Papa
so I could sit in the back
(and quietly cry to myself)
Until God spoke to me
Listen to me and open your heart to my Loving Guidance
That’s when His Voice came through
In the songs
on Briana’s I-phone playlist coming through the car speakers
Each song with it’s own profound message for me to hear
WE ARE LIKE DIAMONDS IN THE SKY, SHINE LIKE A DIAMOND
Yes, I know, dear God, I know, but how often I forget
THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR ….. YOU, YOU, YOUUUUU
I guess so, for You to Live through me and teach me how to BE MySelf
WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO?
Oh, I am willing now, to face my life AS IT IS. To stop the trivial nonsense of self judgements and expectations, to end the obsessive desire to control, and to BE HERE for all that arises in my path and offer my full self to IT.
JUST WANNA KEEP CALLING YOUR NAME ‘TIL YOU COME BACK HOME
I hear you, sweet Lord. I am ready when you will have me back.
WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
SHINE A LIGHT THROUGH AN OPEN DOOR
This place is pretty bleak, even among all it’s natural beauty, we humans have fucked it up royally, haven’t we? Yet we still find LOVE when we open our hearts and allow Your Light to shine through
“The soul is a part of man which is little known and only seldom realized. Every one may have access to the soul. It lies deep within the recesses of our own being. Desire for the higher attainments of life is the first requisite; and then a continuous turning within until the goal has been attained. a good start may be made through the realization of the truth that there is even more to human existence than corporeal health and material supply. When we catch a glimpse of the fact that more dollars, homes or automobiles do not constitute supply, that more travel does not constitute recreation; that absence of illness is not necessarily health; in other words; that ‘my Kingdom is not of this world’ we are going in the right direction to discover the realm of Soul.”
The Infinite Way, Joel S. Goldsmith
A few days ago it appeared. Outside my back door window there it was. Ridiculously obvious, but it’s message evaded me at first. Only the heart shape caught my immediate attention. Each morning I return to observe the “opening” in the outside snow through my window. Perhaps it will change? Or maybe it will disappear? How could that possibly look so perfectly heart-shaped?
As a result of the two feet of snowfall, my entire backyard pond has disappeared, and all that remains is a heart-shaped opening – almost like a breathing hole for the fish in the pond. (of note, we do have a pump running to keep oxygen for the fish, but that’s on the other end of the pond).
So each morning I return to admire and inquire of this “opening”, What is it you’re showing me?
Today it replied…
You are finding purpose here. Although it feels painful at times, like you’re going insane, and experiencing a complete breakdown of anything you once believed in, your purpose here is becoming more true. The true part comes alive when you trust your intuition that this material world manifestation you’re perceiving is only one reflection of the Truth of Life. Everything is that hole. Everything. An infinite potentiality of Creation beyond your wildest thoughts.
It continued to explain…
You know absolutely nothing through your thinking mind. Every time you feel sure of your rightness – you fall again, back into ignorance. Instead, let yourself fall into that infinite hole of Truth, the hole that is Creation Itself. There is nothing you can think that will change or alter IT. Trust IT. Place all of your faith in IT. Give your heart to IT. IT is infinitely connected through your Soul. Trust IT, Janet. It does not require belief in anything here in the material world.
It feels like I’ve always known this. Somewhere so deep that it easily gets lost in the muck of indoctrinated, learned perceptions.
But, thank God, not so deep that it is lost. The miracle is that the Soul’s purpose is infinitely present, and if we seek it – it can appear in unimaginable ways.
It was one of the ANUSARA Yoga immersions when I wrote a prayer request in my class notebook:
Help me to open my heart completely.
Reflecting back on that moment in time, I realize that I wasn’t aware of the potential meaning of that request when I wrote it.
I’m not sure, even now, whether I fully understand the meaning and power of that request.
But I have an intuition: once you elicit an Honest prayer, it cannot be unheard or withdrawn from the fabric of God’s Awareness. The thread of that prayer is forever woven into the Fabric of Life and cannot be unheard.
I recognized long ago that all Is happening and has happened and willhappen in a timeless Design that is unfathomable and inexpressible from our limited viewpoint. So this Honest prayer is born of a deeper Knowledge that this outcome has already been Divinely Designed to Come into Being. That’s why it feels so honest.
Why does intuition about a path always feel so certain?
Because it’s already happened in Timeless awareness?
Because we carry the Knowledge of the Creator’s Design for us somewhere in our human mind?
Sometime ago I had a deep meditation experience that felt like I entered a conscious state of Timelessness Awareness. Having experienced that, I can’t ever not know that it Exists. But so often distractions bring on forgetfulness.
Yet when I’m graced with a moment of Returning to that knowing, it reawakens a sense of peace that feels like it allows my heart to fully open.
Perhaps that was the true intent of my prayer request:
To remember this Mystery of Truth – again and again.
Today, my heart opened.
It was news I knew was coming but I didn’t want to hear. Curled up in a ball on my chemo lounge chair, overtaken with a grief and sadnesses of emotional helplessness. A realization that this was the Destiny and Purpose of my momentary Life. It doesn’t matter how it seemingly happens – as long as the Design is Fulfilled as imagined by the One of Creation.
It’s Voice resonated to me:
Surrender your heart to Me, Janet. That is your destiny. To Fully Know Me again and again, Always and Forever. There is NoThing more meaningful than that. And something shifted for me – it no longer mattered that one mammary lymph node had cells which mutated to resist current treatments or that I’d need radiation again or that I’d have to stay on endless chemo treatments to prevent further metastases. ALL of my angst over choices was unnecessary. No matter which road I’d take, my path Is Destined to remember my Divine Purpose.
work not for the food that perishes, but for the food that remains for everlasting life …
During my chemotherapy treatment yesterday I listened to a podcast sent to me by my dear friend, Zahara. The timing of the message felt so serendipitous, as always with relationships we seemingly “find” ourselves in.
I’ll share the link to the podcast below, but in summary, the orator revealed to me something that enhanced my worldly perspective:
Any “other” in our life (shared relationship) is there for you, not you for them.
What does that mean?
What we “see” outside our personal self is perfectly placed there (in harmony) to our (yet unrevealed) need for reconciliation, healing, awakening, purification, and steps to Knowledge (God).
“They” or “It” is there to mold us, shape us, teach us, offer us an opportunity to make choices for our own path to self-realization (one-ness and connection with God)
Does that mean we (our personal self) play no role in service to others?
Of course, our personal course of action in the world is meaningful – our service to other; however, again, it is actually for the same purpose.
Undeniably, it is ALL for the SAME PURPOSE.
Enlightenment has to translate into service if it is to be real and meaningful. You were sent into the world to do something specific. Knowledge within you knows what this is and is trying to guide you and move you into a position where you can recognize this and meet those individuals who will be a part of your greater service and accomplishment here. Along the way, knowledge is building your strength, building your discernment and building your courage.
Most of the spiritual work is deconstructing your confinement, your disabilities, your fantasies, your obsessions and your delusions to help you divorce yourself from your weakness and to unite you with your strength. It takes faith to do this because you don’t really know where it is taking you. You do not really know the outcome.
You do this because you know you must do this. Because in your heart, you know you must take this journey. Not to satisfy the goals of the mind, your ideas of enlightenment or to become a saint, a goddess, or any of this foolishness. You’ve taken the journey because you must. And this is what returns you to God because you are following what God has put within you to follow. You do not know where it is taking you. It is deconstructing that which is imprisoning you. It is building your strength, your confidence and your ability to discern the power and the presence of Knowledge within you.
Marshall Vian Summers
How can this help us navigate the physical world?
When you look outside your eyes at that other appearing in your life – in every relationship and circumstance, ask yourself, “How will this encounter polish the inner diamond of my heart so that I may better serve the will of God within me while I am here in this moment?”
I hope there is a crumb of inspiration in this writing … I truly hope to share what may serve another along the way.
The foolishness of this world, the seeming deceit, corruption, and insanity has taken my personal mind down to a level of sadness that has actually served to further ignite and strengthen the force within me to seek a course of action in planting seeds of LOVE in the mud of the world.
I devote this post In gratitude to ALL of my teachers along the way:
Cancer – husband – family and friends – pets – nature – food – and every stranger I will encounter in this world.
Ultimately, we all share the same fear … THE FEAR OF DEATH.
Because it is unknown .
Because it is unseen.
Because we will no longer exist.
What if fear is NOT true?
What if we really don’t exist as truth in this form, but instead we are like dreamers in a dream?
If we believe in the dream, we take on the role of a player in the dream.
We are afraid of losing all of the dream-like experiences we call reality.
But if we acknowledge that we are the dreamers of the dream, we know we can only really Exist in the Creator of the dream.
When we establish an inner foundation – an inner stability – a trust that is always in the background of our knowing, we have access to an available well of certainty to remind us that the suffering of the world exists only in the egoic mind (the player in the dream), which finds itself separate from God (the Creator of the dream).
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore, we do not give up, but even if the man we are outside is wasting away, certainly the man we are inside is being renewed from day to day. For though the tribulation (trial) is momentary and light, it works out for us a glory that is of more and more surpassing greatness and is everlasting, while we keep our eyes, not on the things seen , but on the things unseen. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting.
a solemn promise made to God to perform some act, make some offering or gift, enter some service, or abstain from certain things not unlawful in themselves. It carried the force of an oath.
New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures
I awoke from sleep with the words “double helix” in my memory.
I’ve been contemplating ..
Why are these words being downloaded into my consciousness?
I have very minimal knowledge about DNA, and have no clear understanding of its nature.
I sense that I’m being guided to look deeper. Somewhere in my genetic makeup there is a Vow. A promise to remember the Source of Life … to place all my attention on it … to have knowledge of it.
My son, pay attention to my wisdom.
Listen carefully (incline your ear) to my discernment,
So that you may guard your thinking abilities and safeguard knowledge with your lips
For the lips of a wayward (strange) woman drip like a honey-comb(b), and her mouth is smoother than oil
But in the end she is as bitter as wormwood
And as sharp as a two-edged sword
Her feet descend into death. Her steps lead straight to the Grave (Or “Sheol”, that is, the common grave of mankind.)
Look deeper. What is the meaning here?
This wayward woman is the Not Real, the False, the Illusory World.
This Illusory World’s temptations, desires and earthly temporary pIeasures will never fulfill our longing for Truth.
The Illusory World (Maya) has hands that are like prison chains. It pulls us in and we believe that we can’t get out (unless physical death occurs).
When we betray our True connection to God/Reality and place our belief and trust in the worldof illusions, we commit adultery, which results in deception of one’s True Self (a forgetting of our true and natural identity as One with God).
A sage named Patanjali described an eight-fold path of yoga, otherwise known as “Ashtanga Yoga” (“ashta” meaning “eight”, “anga” meaning “limb” in Sanskrit).
these are the last 4 limbs of the path to Realization:
pratyahara- withdrawal of the 5 senses from external objects
dharana―Single pointed focus on an external object (the Seer observes the Seen).
dhyana―meditation, a concentrated awareness of the relationship between the subject and the object (The Seer and the Seen are aware of each other)
samadhi―The subject and object join as One, realization of non-separation, higher consciousness. (Seer and Seen are the same).
What is the significance in all of this?
The number 8 symbolizes infinity … The double helix is an infinite spiral … and something in me remembers that the world of illusions is infinitely unfolding in One Mind (God).
This time-stream I’m witnessing on planet earth feels kind of like the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
Like when you’re watching a movie and you want it to horrify you, enrage you, confuse you …
I wonder … Could it be that deep within our collective unconscious we want this scenario that’s seemingly happening?
And because we thought it, we desired it, we feared it, we imagined it,
it has to play out?
Anything we can possibly dream up – the most auspicious and the most ominous
Sooner or later it’s gotta show up – Every potential will be manifested
What the hell is going on here?
Are we lost and hopeless? Is there anything that we can do? What on earth is happening? Is anything true? Is this all a concocted game of insanity without purpose? What the hell am I doing here?
Then I relax. Breath. Close my eyes.
I feel alone in my uncertainty.
I hold the moment of silent inward connection.
Through what feels like my heart’s voice, I can feel what I intuit to be God’s (Absolute) pull.
It pulls so strongly at my heart that I can’t help but feel Certain that this pull is the most important thingto place my attention on. It’s voice silently informs me that I should spend every waking (and sleeping) moment in Time in devotion to Serve Its purpose, even though I don’t understand it.
This pull wants me to Trust It’s Certainty.
It says, Don’t ever stop contemplating my mystery and my omnipresence. This is your highest purpose.
And even when I forget, and feel lost in uncertainty, this pull of God continues to yearn for me to remember.
…you should no longer go on walking just as the nations also walk, in the futility ( emptiness; vanity) of their minds. They are in darkness mentally and alienated from the life that belongs to God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the insensitivity (dulling) of their hearts. (Ephesians 4:17, 18). Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, to impart what is beneficial to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29)
I am pulled to remember that this paper world is not Real. We have forgotten how to connect with nature (God) and our materialism has become the only God we know. Of course, it looks bleak when we place our trust in what is Not True.
I feel the pull …. I feel the pull … I feel the pull of my heart strings.