This time-stream I’m witnessing on planet earth feels kind of like the worst movie I’ve ever seen.
Like when you’re watching a movie and you want it to horrify you, enrage you, confuse you …
I wonder … Could it be that deep within our collective unconscious we want this scenario that’s seemingly happening?
And because we thought it, we desired it, we feared it, we imagined it,
it has to play out?
Anything we can possibly dream up – the most auspicious and the most ominous
Sooner or later it’s gotta show up – Every potential will be manifested
What the hell is going on here?
Are we lost and hopeless? Is there anything that we can do? What on earth is happening? Is anything true? Is this all a concocted game of insanity without purpose? What the hell am I doing here?
Then I relax. Breath. Close my eyes.
I feel alone in my uncertainty.
I hold the moment of silent inward connection.
Through what feels like my heart’s voice, I can feel what I intuit to be God’s (Absolute) pull.
It pulls so strongly at my heart that I can’t help but feel Certain that this pull is the most important thingto place my attention on. It’s voice silently informs me that I should spend every waking (and sleeping) moment in Time in devotion to Serve Its purpose, even though I don’t understand it.
This pull wants me to Trust It’s Certainty.
It says, Don’t ever stop contemplating my mystery and my omnipresence. This is your highest purpose.
And even when I forget, and feel lost in uncertainty, this pull of God continues to yearn for me to remember.
…you should no longer go on walking just as the nations also walk, in the futility ( emptiness; vanity) of their minds. They are in darkness mentally and alienated from the life that belongs to God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the insensitivity (dulling) of their hearts. (Ephesians 4:17, 18). Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, to impart what is beneficial to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29)
I am pulled to remember that this paper world is not Real. We have forgotten how to connect with nature (God) and our materialism has become the only God we know. Of course, it looks bleak when we place our trust in what is Not True.
I feel the pull …. I feel the pull … I feel the pull of my heart strings.
“If there’s no sense of the sacred, then there’s something we’re not paying attention to.”
When I was a child, about 4 or 5 years old, I developed a fever.
I can actually remember that day. Sitting on the top stair of our new suburbia high ranch home. I recall the sense of being deliriously on fire.
Eventually, I guess the fever subsided but I can’t remember the details.
And then the seizures started. My body would convulse – like electric jolts from the center of my spine out through my legs and arms.
My poor parents thought I was possessed. (It was 1964).
Many doctor visits later, and no conclusive diagnosis, my parents resorted to a hypnotherapist to evaluate me. I remember that day vividly (but this is a story for another forum … ).
Finally …. someone with medical knowledge must have suggested a spinal tap and brain encephalogram …
and the diagnosis was eventually revealed to my parents:
Your child has encephalitis. She must have contracted it from a mosquito bite on your recent family visit to the Jersey shore.
This was the story given to me which would remain in my head for the next 56 years. How I wish I could go back in time and ask the doctors:
“DO YOU THINK MAYBE THE LOAD OF PRE-SCHOOL VACCINATIONS GIVEN TO MY 5-YEAR-OLD SELF MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH SEIZURES AND ENCEPHALITIS?????!!!!”
Recently, I googled the required vaccinations for preschoolers in 1964, and this was listed as the required immunizations:
Smallpox, Diphtheria*, Tetnus*, Pertussis*, Polio (OPV), Measles, Mumps, Rubella (* Given in combination as DTP)
I’ll never know what vaccines I actually received. I have no records. However, I do remember Mom taking me to the school gymnasium to get the dreaded “shot” in the arm.
Actually, the point of this story is not my anger that a childhood vaccination may have caused encephalitis and seizures.
The point is …
Whatever happened to me in 1964 … as awful as it may have looked at the time for my worried sick parents – as horrific it may be that a vaccine potentially could have killed me –
Was the Sacred present even in that life event?
Is the Sacred ever NOT present?
I am finding this line of inquiry helpful, especially now …
It reminds me to pay attention to what is unseen but Always Present.
All things that have been a source of pain, discomfort and disassociation, when brought into service to one power-which is the One Power-will then become vehicles of expression serving a greater purpose.
“While they are promising them freedom, they themselves are slaves of corruption, for if anyone is overcome by someone, he is his slave.” 2Peter 2:19
“Of all things that human beings fear (and they are a timorous race) the one that strikes them with abject and utterly demoralizing terror is freedom. They are so afraid of it for other people that almost simultaneously they come to dread it for themselves. So they devise systems of checks and balances, restraints, moral sanctions, conventions and moral mass-expectations of one kind and another; they are willing to go to the most fantastic lengths in restriction and repression; but the one thing that they never yet have shown the courage to try is simple freedom, which some day they will have the happy surprise of discovering to be the only thing that really works.” A Matter of No Curiosity, Albert Jay Nock
I witness the insanity.
Our veiled hearts and minds, it’s heartbreaking.
Our Home is not a physical structure or a material plane or dimension.
A spiritual anarchist by nature, I find joy in exploring the potentiality of language to make attempts at expressing God’s Infinite Presence. Recognizing one’s true nature is our path to peacefulness. This true nature exists within all of us, just waiting for that holy instant to be seen or heard or felt – once found, this peacefulness transcends all fear.
“This consciousness literally IS a light to the world.
It lights up one’s whole experience of Being.
In the same way that awareness or consciousness is not an experience but allows ALL experience, consciousness is a light, a light that sees all the lights of the world but is not itself a visible light.
That’s why when I say consciousness lights up the whole world, yes, but it’s a different kind of light.
It innately transcends experience, good, bad, happy, sad.
That’s why in the east they would often talk about emptiness.
You are an intangibility at your essence, your core.
You’re here, and we think that I am here as an entity, but actually if we really look closely – the sense of I am here, I exist, there really isn’t a fixed, stable, entity to it. That image can exist within your experience, of course, but there’s something more primary. Its ungraspable.
You are not a thing.
This thing-ness happens, of course, but YOU – when you really follow it right into that immediacy – you just sort of disappear into intangibility. There’s nothing graspable there, and yet you are.
In the bible when God was asked to give an accounting of himself or herself, ‘WHAT ARE YOU GOD?’
All God would say is, I AM, I AM WHAT I AM
And that’s sort of the expression or the confession of your true nature.
Excerpt from Adyashanti, March 14, 2020 broadcast: 1:02:28
A surge of anger, discontent, pain, disappointment, misunderstanding, judgement, has seemingly overtaken me. Who me? I ask myself in disbelief. Yes, me. I answer myself irrefutably.
What’s wrong with me? (This is not my typical emotional behavior).
Not so long ago I reached what felt like a pivotal moment in time – seeing through the illusions of separation, seeing myself in the dirt beneath my feet and the bark of the tree. I was able to perceive the unconditional Loving Presence, in it all, regardless of the circumstance. I was actively practicing in each moment, How can I BE this love?
How did I forget the wisdom of my heart?
The state of the world, politics, the insanity of the collective consciousness seems to have won in pulling me down with it.
The discord in my own family/intimate relations has won in rearing my judgemental expectations.
Cancer’s aggressive reappearance has suceeded in making me fear a painful death.
Today, an angel seemingly landed gently on my shoulder. She said, No, you will not forget the foundation of your inner stability. What has sustained your understanding for all these years is ever-present. You’ve just fallen away from remembering.
Among shelves and shelves of books, my eyes landed on just one. I pulled it off the shelf, and opened a random page. My inner knowing was gloriously reignited.
Glory, glory hallelujah, the Truth is marching on …..
“Here in our Western culture, where we are accustomed to attempt to exert maximal control, it is difficult for us to bear in mind that things are always unfolding in the way that they are bound to do.
As could be expected in a culture which so emphasizes the value of human life (as, for example, over the value of other species’), this tendency is particularly evident in our reaction to the manifestation of chronic or terminal illness – in us, or another person.
If the condition of health changes for the “better”, we can accept that. If it changes for the “worse”, we can’t accept that. The only unfolding of life events that we meet with equanimity are the positive ones. The implication in our attitude toward negative changes is that they must be met with resistance.
Sooner or later, every fact in life must be accepted.
Each of us will do whatever it is that we do, when the time comes. And nature will do whatever it is that it does, regardless of whatever it is that we do.
Yet notice the implication in the reaction to a change in health: if you are ill, you shouldn’t be: if you are not anxious about your condition, you should be.
‘The dark threads are as needful, in the Weaver’s skillful hand, as the threads of gold and silver in the pattern that shall stand,’ if I recall an old poem.
Can we relate to what is, as it is-for ourselves and others-even at the most pivotal junction?” (Living Nonduality, by Robert Wolfe)
And then I read on and remember… This clarity feels most true to my heart – It’s all unfolding as the Self experiencing it’s self:
“The creator (the formless) and created (the forms) – as well as the creating- are the same thing, an indivisible (no “parts”) whole.
Because the created, creator and creating are all One immediate actuality, there is no ‘creation’ in the sense that a plan or design has been culminated. There is no ‘intelligence’ APART from all these manifestations that has (prior to manifesting) desired or decided that what is ‘will be as it is’.
All of the ‘creating’ is going on at this very moment, moment by moment, without having to be accounted for (as a ‘purpose’) to anyone or anything. The formless, being WITHOUT a separate ‘self’, need not even justify what is unfolding to its own ‘self’. No matter WHAT happens-without an ‘intent’ – nothing can go wrong, as far as the formless actuality could be concerned. The formless IS the unfolding, in these forms.” Robert Wolfe.
Last week I went Christmas shopping. Having purchased not a single gift up till now, this was a huge endeavor seven days prior to the holiday. But I braved the 17–degree temps.
Probably not too wise of a decision.
I thought, I should be nurturing my immune-compromised blood levels during “week-off” chemotherapy
But I’m resolute; I gotta bring gifts for the grandkids and family members.
My habituated determination …. I recognize it. It’s laughable. Hard to change lifetime convictions.
Thankfully, the opposite pole of persistence arose simultaneously, and the desire to self-nurture endured.
A 30-minute drive to Milford, PA ahead, I decided to lose myself in a podcast. Its auspicious title beckoned my attention, “The Search for Enlightenment” by Rupert Spira.
Kind of ridiculous having heard this talk a gazillion times in every imaginable form – from Nisargadata to Ramana to Krishnamurti to Adyashanti ad infinitum …. As if I might hear something new.
Unexpectedly, Mr. Spira’s articulation on this topic smashed my heart open – in an exceptionally beautiful, frigid, sun beaming off icicle moment on a country road in Northeastern PA.
Perhaps my lowering WBC count assisted in opening my heart a little deeper this time?
I bawled like a puppy for her mother. You know when you’re alone in the car, and you can sob so loud it hurts?
Ranks right up there with an incredible orgasm.
Here’s the part that broke the dam of uncontrollable tears:
Rupert: You’ve recognized that who you essentially are now is ever-present, never hurt or tarnished by experience, never disturbed, it needs nothing.
What more do you want?
Questioner: (I can’t trust that the wanting will stop)
Rupert: What are you wanting?
If you have found that in yourself which is inherently peaceful and has no sense of lack, what are you lacking?
Questioner: (There’s nothing I lack)
Rupert: The wanting will only stop when you recognize that you ARE what you WANT.
The Anusara invocation I have chanted for a decade reverberated in my heart, and I recalled how near this knowledge is, how it has remained engrained in my heart.
Om Namah Shivaya Gurave: I honor God, the Nature of Being, The Teacher within. Satchidananda Murtaye: ITS essence is Truth, Consciousness, and Bliss. Nishprapanchaya Shantaya: IT is always present and full of peace. Niralambaya Tejase: It is completely free and radiates from the heart with a divine luster.