Something about the day
the way the chilly air was warmed
by bright sun
my clothing’s violet color
the alignment of the stars and planets
A memory surfaced
just one of the many spiritual oddities I’ve experienced over the years
A spectacular moment
imprinted in my psyche
reappeared on my memory screen today …
It was probably around 2008 – a silent retreat weekend at Garrison Institute with Adyashanti. The weekend was held in complete silence throughout it’s entirety with a rigid schedule of 5 or 6 daily seated meditation sessions that were held in a spectacularly sunlit meditation hall (formerly the chapel). In the evening, Adyashanti would present a spiritual dharma talk on the chosen topic of the weekend (which I can’t remember).
However, what I do remember was The Moment … so brief that it seems ridiculous it would have had left such a deep impression.
In the midst of my practice, my eyes opened to observe my surroundings … the backs of the heads of hundreds of meditators – their spines held upright from their wooden pew – rows and rows of serious meditators
then it happened
I recognized the nature of reality in a brief second – in a way no words could describe. But my response was an overwhelming desire to burst into hysterical laughter. Before the laughter began to erupt from my belly, I became aware of the need to suppress it. But still, the inner laughter revealed to me what I needed to know. It freed me from the suffering of my own mind (and everyone else’s mind in that room) for the most ecstatic, orgasmic moment I have ever experienced in my lifetime. There were no words or ideas or beliefs associated with the laughter – only freedom – and a sense of seeing through all of the silliness of the serious work we were all pretending to do.
In that moment, I knew without a doubt, that EVERYTHING was as it was and should BE … no matter how many hours we meditated … no matter how much we wanted to know God and be enlightened … there was an underlying meaninglessness to the solidity of our form in the most light-hearted way – as if I could suddenly see through matter and know that the Spirit world was the only thing that was True about this Life.
I was FREE. For the briefest moment. The sunlight was real and the rest was only shadow.
Perhaps, then, the sunlight faded, and I returned to my solidity as Janet.
But today I was graced to remember.