going deeper

Recently, I felt a calling to take up puzzles again. There’s a noticeable shift in awareness when I’m working on a puzzle. My dreams are more resonant, and I feel like I’ve worked things out upon awakening. I sense that the puzzles have also been helpful in shifting my perspective on Life to more of an aerial view.

This perspective becomes clearer when I trust my inner compass to guide my understanding about Life. I especially like the words/phrases below; although their meanings may be intellectually abstract, the experience they point to is becoming more Real and concrete for me.

What do these words mean for you?

  • Voice Within
  • Deeper Conscience
  • Deeper Nature
  • Higher Purpose
  • Deeper Knowledge Within
  • Higher Vantage Point
  • Power and Presence of Knowledge
  • Natural Resonance
  • Empathy Felt at a Deeper Level

I extracted the above words from an essay called Forgiveness, by Marshall Vian Summers, excerpt below:

The choice really is a choice for the individual as to what voice within themselves they will listen to. Will they listen to the power and presence of Knowledge that God has placed within them to guide them, to protect them and to lead them to a greater life? Or will they listen to the voice of their own personal mind that seeks to protect itself above all things that will meet its needs first, regardless of the consequences for other peoples?

This is not an ideological debate. It is not an intellectual problem. It is more fundamental than this. It is a question of whether you will follow your deeper conscience or your own fear and insecurity. If you see that your deeper nature is beyond your mind, then you will not become so identified with your ideas, your beliefs or your prejudices, and you will be much more reserved in judging, condemning or dismissing others.

This kind of self-awareness is so very important because when people are denied recognition of their deeper nature, their thinking becomes aberrant. They identify with their thoughts and their possessions, and their ability to recognize others and to experience compassion is limited or destroyed altogether.

From the standpoint of having a higher purpose, you realize that everyone is teaching you the value of Knowledge. Both their successes and their failures are showing you the importance of adhering to this deeper Knowledge within yourself. Why would you condemn others when they are teaching you the results of not following Knowledge within yourself? When people are making every kind of error and experiencing the consequences of these errors, why would you condemn them when they are showing you the results of your own temptation to deny the power, presence and guidance of Knowledge within yourself?

From a higher vantage point, from the perspective of recognizing that you have a higher purpose in life, you will see these things. Perhaps you could not see them before, but you will see them clearly now. You will see that life is teaching you that there is only Knowledge or the substitutes for Knowledge. There is only being true to your deeper nature, or there is betrayal in all directions.

Here you must understand that not everything that happens is beneficial. If you try to make everything wonderful and beneficial, you will be dishonest, and dishonesty leads to great errors and great difficulties. And so your evaluation must be based upon a deeper awareness within yourself that is not really ideological in nature. It is more of a natural resonance. It is beyond the intellect. It is the empathy you feel with people at a deeper level.

mission

I have a mission to fulfill.

Don’t we all?

I recognize for an instant the connection of consciousness as One.

It’s only an instant. Pouf, it’s gone. I forget again.

Instead, I focus on the sharp stings in my chest, my armpit. I cringe. Fucking pain. Fucking cancer. The skin on my chest is so hideous I look like a freak show. And it hurts like a mother F-er.

Take another pill. Ha, me who never took an aspirin. Now I need a narcotic to get through the night.

Oh, she loves to pity herself doesn’t she?

Then I snap back.

I have a mission to fulfill.

Seriously. This mission is so important that it’s the ONLY thing that really matters.

And I’ll never get to KNOW what the mission is.

Maybe the mission will be revealed after this body is gone.

Or maybe it won’t.

It doesn’t matter.

It’s an INFINITE mission.

And we are ALL fulfilling it.

the way

there’s no “right” way

and no “wrong” way

embrace the contradictions

ask the questions, the important ones

like ‘what is this about?’

but have no expectations that the answer will be comprehensible

because the answers will not be for your mind to grasp onto

the answers will be in

the morning light,

the mosquito’s bite,

a birds song,

a plan gone wrong,

fire’s fury,

a hung jury,

winter’s chill,

and pickle’s dill

the hummingbird’s flight

the lovers’ fight

poker game win

drunk on gin

singing out loud

drenching rain cloud

dancing like a fool

breaking the rule

smiling at your child

flowers growing wild

screaming in rage

a minimum wage

crashing the Mercedes

going out with the ladies

the very last breath

fearless of death

The WAY is only yours to have

yours to embrace, heart and soul, moment by moment, its beauty and its filth, all of it.

So, living and following The Way of Knowledge does not make things look different. You will still have good days and bad days. You will still have days when you feel certain of what you are doing, and you will have days when you are uncertain. You will still cry and get angry. You will still do silly things. You will still make mistakes. But while all this is going on, something else is growing within you and becoming more powerful, more real and more evident. There is the great garden growing—the garden of Knowledge. There is a fire burning within you—the Fire of Knowledge. It is growing, day by day.
The great change that you will experience will be unlike the big sensations that people usually call self-transformation. The real change happens deep within you. You don’t usually see it happening, but you do notice the results. As time passes, you start to feel differently about certain things, not because anyone has told you to do so. It’s just something you feel. Time passes, and your values change. You begin to take refuge in the truth rather than attempt to escape from it. You seek quiet more and more as gross stimulation becomes a great aggravation. You look for different things in yourself and in others. You become more aware of the subtle interactions between people. You are more affected by the mental environment and more sensitive to it. You begin to value truth and understanding more than possessions and pleasurable sensations.”
Marshall Vian Summers

Knowledge?

“knowledge is not the things that are usually associated with it. It is not ideas. It is not a body of information. It is not a system of belief. It is not a process of self-evaluation. It is the great mystery of your life. Its outward manifestations are

profound intuition

great insight

inexplicable knowing

wise perception in the present and in the future

and wise understanding of the past

But despite these great achievements of mind, Knowledge is greater than this.

It is your True Self,

a Self that is not apart from life.”

Marshall Vian Summers

Today’s communion with nature provided some of the outward manifestations of this “knowledge”

The water, its mystery. It’s flowing nature, its sound and vibration over the earth’s rocks. How I’ve taken this magnificent element for granted.

How I don’t even know what water really is.

The trees. The moss. The soaring wings of the turkey buzzards high above the mountain tops. The white puffs of cloud against perfect blue space.

Tears barely expressed my joy. amazement and gratitude for being present as part of the magnificence of Life’s expression.

I thought to myself, I should be screaming and singing and jumping for joy. But no one would have understood. So just tears.

Today, in Nature’s beauty, I saw and felt and heard and embodied inexplicable knowing that is not apart from Life.

oracle

I’ve been using the I Ching along with the Wisdom of the Oracle for many years. I ask a question (even though I recognize that within myself the answer is already there) and then surrender my linear mind’s knowing to allow the deeper Divine Knowing to reveal itself to me.

It is quite miraculous to witness that the answer revealed to me is ALWAYS exactly what I already know, but it’s symbolized and shown to me in a way that is crystal clear for my linear mind to understand.

It always feels most urgent to access spiritual wisdom when life challenges arise and our path is unclear.

At those times, despite my inner knowing that no matter what path I take, it will always be the correct path for me; nevertheless, I find myself wanting to ask the question. Something about the affirmation allows me to feel, ahhh, see, I was right!

Here in northeastern PA, it’s been a long winter. Spring has just revealed its precious light in the last two days, and I am resonating with nature’s calling to be NEW again. With that, comes change, big decisions, deep introspective reassessment of my life.

And so I turn to my beloved Oracle, and I ask the question:

Am I listening to the true voice of my heart?

I shuffle the card deck. I choose the card. The Oracle answers:

Card #21, upside down (a protection message):

CLEAN IT UP!

“Is it possible you may be focusing too much on other people right now?

Trying too hard to be helpful?

Perhaps you think its your calling to relieve people of their burdens, but what is the cost to you, and to them?

Don’t clean up someone else’s side of the street. You’re not helping by freeing him or her of responsibility. You’re also not doing yourself any favors, and you might just be adding an even greater strain.

You are loved as you are. You don’t need to be needed to be loved.”

Whack! Just what I needed to be told, to really hear, to own. I know all this. Yet, its message is one I continue to struggle with.

It says, Janet, you know exactly what you have to do.

unknown

It’s often the simplest seeming gesture or word/idea that serves as a deep awakening.

As I’m reading The Most Important Thing, (Adyashanti), I’m reminded ….

How we IDENTIFY with a thought about absolutely anything can create either suffering or happiness.

This has been so helpful for me to re-cognize, again, simple as it is.

Further grace dropped into my consciousness while I was revisiting my old dream journals, as I’m preparing to work on my new project, The Yoga of Dreaming.

I was reminded of a teaching at a silent retreat that served a deep awakening for me, at that time:

“You will NEVER find TRUTH looking through the MIND”

Why is this SO important to re-cognize?

Because the Mind’s nonstop evaluation of its perceptions are occurring in TIME (in this dimension of reality)

We already know Time is an illusion, right? But in Time the only thing we can actually KNOW through EXPERIENCE is the present moment

Everything else is the UNKNOWN

The unknown = FEAR (most of the time), especially the unknowing about death

Which leaves 99.99999% of us living in FEAR (aka anxiety) pretty much all of the TIME

To eliminate this constant state of fear, our only hope would be to let go of identifying with the MIND’s obsessive compulsion to make up stories about everything – and then believe it’s TRUE!!!!

Sounds simple enough.

But it’s not simple. Why?

Because the UNKNOWN will always be the only thing that is TRUE.

Our MIND cannot accept that.

What can we do?

Sit still. Be quiet. Observe. Listen. Feel. Laugh. Watch nature. Trust. Open your heart to gratitude. Take Action without attaching to outcome. Be YOU, authentically.

KNOW that you will never KNOW.

Remind yourself every day.

Even this writing is not true.
It’s just an attempt to express the ineffable……..

suggestions welcome

destiny

“Where you need to go in life and your sense of direction are really the criteria for where you need to be physically. It’s not about the beauty of a place or your how close it is to nature or whether it has the nightlife or the daylife that you want, it is about whether that is the place you need to be now and where you need to build the next stage of your life.

This is a fundamental deep question that goes beyond your desires, your preferences, even your romance about a certain place because you could choose the most beautiful place imaginable and if that’s not where your life needed to be, it would be a dead zone for you. It would be empty. You might try to make it wonderful and everything you want it to be but it wouldn’t be true.

It all comes down then to finding your direction in life and that’s a navigational emphasis. It’s not like you know where you’re ultimately going to be because that is very unlikely. But are you in the right place at this right time and will you know if that needs to change? Will you know if you come to a point where the road ends, given where you are, and you need to make a change?

Because where you land physically and who you are associated with are two very critical things that will determine your ability to experience what you know and to follow what you know. For example, if you are in the wrong locale, you are not going to meet the critical people you need to meet. They are not going to be there. So the attributes of the place itself become very secondary, almost unimportant here except in so far as they serve your sense of purpose and direction.

People romance places as well as people and that is setting your life according to criteria that is really very meaningless. You were born with a higher purpose that means you have a destiny in life. A destiny means your have a direction you must find and follow, step by step, stage by stage.

Sensing if you are in the right place at the right time for this moment is very important and also realizing whether that place is temporary or permanent for you. This is why it is so important not to settle down, not to plant roots, not to establish yourself in a place not until you have a real sense of where you are going in life and a real sense if that place that you are choosing is really appropriate and necessary given this greater criteria for your life.

God has put Knowledge within you to guide you and to lead you towards your true direction, to be able to carry you forward within that direction given all the persuasions of the world, all the attractions of the world. It is your Knowledge then that will be your navigator, will help you to choose where you need to go, when you need to go and who you need to meet.

If you will follow this, you will have the greatest opportunity to discover the real meaning and purpose of your life and the contribution that you have come here to give.”

Marshall Vian Summers, The Messenger

crazily radical in a conservative way

The idea of EMBODIMENT is so creatively expressed here.
For me, these were the highlights of this particular interview (video below):

On embodiment

we’re at our best when we’re INTEGRATED completely ….
Real intimacy ….. literally COMING together!

On INCARNATION …..

a symbolic representation – in which the SPIRIT has to become fully embodied

The FULLY incarnate BEING is the messiah, which means embracing the horrors (evil) of the world …..(take the sins of the world unto yourself)

i.e., recognizing satanic tendencies that are YOU (your shadow)

On socialization ….

Integrating our competitive nature into fair play. Not as a morality of restrictions on yourself, not reducing yourself to a domesticated moral being, but taking everything you’ve got to move forward.

More on the SHADOW SELF….. (and I really GET this):

Understanding how Auschwitz was about ME ….how that understanding re-orients you
A deep part of the shadow idea is taking the sins of the world unto yourself.
This is pre-requisite for true knowledge/understanding,
One of the motivations is existential terror – (knowing what I am capable of in the most negative way)

On Power…..

Is there something higher than tyrannical power?

Christ’s encounter with Satan in the desert – The offer is tyrannical power over everything.

Christ’s response is “there’s something better”

That is WISDOM

So why not work for the betterment of BEING?
Do what you can do to make it better.
Or at least FIND OUT what you can do ….. not in a moralistic way but in a
Forthright
Noble
Courageous
EMBODIED
Manner…

Enjoy the interview …..