Joy and Sadness

Sometimes I go into the bathroom to bury my face into the bath towel

So I can sob without being heard


It’s a strange thing.

Why am I feeling it so strongly?

What is sadness?

Perhaps without sadness we could never really know JOY.

I’ll go with that.

I’ll take the high road.

The gift of knowing real joy.

As hard as it is to swallow that you’re more near death than you were before

the blessing comes in it’s gift of growing closer to God.

And the people in your life.

Who you care so much about.

To know it’s time to tell them how you really feel.

How much you love them.

Regardless of the pain or anguish they may have brought into your lives.

It’s time.

To feel the sadness with all your heart.

So that you can enJOY the experiences you have left with loved ones.

I really know that now.

The angels are hovering over me to help me see it clearly.

It’s the Love God gave You to find within You and joyously share with others

Everything else is really all bullshit.

I pray for the Strength to fully Be that Being of Light.

my prayer song

(sung to music from Give Me Love, George Harrison)

speak through me

help me see

through this heavy veil                              

free my mind

keep me kind

show me how to love

Let me serve

teach me truth, in this crazy world

feeling lost, it’s so dark that my

spirit dies      

Om m m m m m m m m m m
M m m my lord …

Please pry open my eyes so

I might truly see   

Oh yes See, oh yes See

forgive me    

forgive us     

let us live our truth  

teach us how           

to be free,     

keep us without fear           

learning to,

Hear your voice, in this noisy world   

learning to, trust and know You through

Love and Light        

Om m m m m m m m mm

M m m my lord …

me-dia (my god)

When I was ready to graduate high school I had to choose a quote to place under my yearbook photo. Always acting from a strange intuition that I never questioned, I chose lyrics from ‘Stairway to Heaven’ (It was 1978).

There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

I wasn’t so sure what it meant at the time.

There are many interpretations of the famous song; but one of them is that you can’t find happiness, peace, truth, God, light here in the material riches of the world. I think I’ve always known that; although my paths to recognizing it’s truth has been varied. I’ve changed roads many times.

But this single road has always been calling to me. What road is this?

It’s the road that is NOW (past, present and future), aka, the middle pillar (the third eye, aka, ajna – sanskrit for perceiving, light).

The ONLY path there is.

We can’t see it with our physical eyes or hear it with our physical ears. Yet, something within always knows it’s there.

This world’s insane great divide that appears on our black screens to tell us what’s happening wants to divide us into two separate paths. One of them appears to be technocratic control and transhumanism. The other appears to be freedom from control and government/medical manipulation.

However, upon close contemplation, this is a fraud. The only REAL freedom exists through the ONE middle pillar. It is not of this world. It has nothing to do with this world’s corrupt government options.

It is the path to Truth and Light and Happiness that is Everlasting (regardless of the pain and suffering and tears one may endure while in the physical world).

It is a place where the mind finds stillness.

As a wise woman of alchemy and linguistics, Lavette, says, “The word media actually means mi – dio (my god). And unfortunately, we’ve allowed the media to be our god. It is guiding us further down the path of deceit and corruption.

So how do we live in this world?

Look deeply.

Be still to gather your inner knowing, and sit with it.

Use your breath to quiet the chaos.

Know what you’re for (instead of dwelling on what you’re against) and take action on that.

Trust the Middle Pillar (the inner knowing) and the guides will appear.

I’m prayerfully asking this NOW for me,

for humanity,

and for our beautiful planet’s real potential to exist as heaven through our conscious mind that is ONE with God.


Enjoy this lovely woman’s wise soulful words:

Silent Sun Worship

I LEARNED TODAY the value of Walking outside and BEING in total AWE and ASTONISHMENT and AMAZEMENT of the SUN’S LIGHT.

Five days prior to mastectomy/reconstruction surgery, strangely feeling very OKAY about everything.

I decided to go OUTSIDE and walk in NATURE

It’s so quiet where I live that it’s mind-boggling to be able to stand STILL on the (still) WHITE SNOW, and BE completely STILL …..

And just LISTEN to the SILENCE. To really HEAR the Silence.

And today’s Cloudy skies allowed me to SUN GAZE….. Only for about 10 seconds.

As the sun momentarily peered through a hole in the cloud cover, I was able to FEEL the heat of the LIGHT on my FACE, enveloped by a sense of extreme CALM, but ENERGIZED too, and very EUPHORIC……

Afterward, everything I SEE (perceive) is clouded in a mist of rainbow-colored haze. Thankfully, my eyes recover.





First snow and Snow Goddess tree sculpture

Saw this “tree sculpture” walking along Mountain Road today, first day after first snow….

thought of the “angle”, perspective, light in which it caught my eye to look like a woman, creature, being, fairy, with a snow cap and was amused.

and came upon these ideas from Bill Donahue (Hidden, which resonate deeply on today’s meditative walk in the snow:



 “The angel is the ANGLE  of light that comes to

each of us, and enters us during our meditation period.

 It brings a new life to be born within.

 A life that will grow within us to carry us through

all of the storms and rise up within us to command,

peace, be still. 


 This new life is born of a virgin mind.

 It is born only when there is no stain of thought.

 It is born only in the quiet of the right side where there

is total silence.

 Only in silence, away from all of the thoughts

of the lower mind.”snow goddess sculpture

 further reflection on the true meaning of (Christmas) from same source:

“There has never been joy in the world, because

the true meaning of Christ, or Krishna, or Buddha,

or Allah or Jahovah, has never been realized.

 Thus I encourage all who will listen, to allow the

child of promise to be born outside of the business

of the mind, in the place of quiet

In the place of nature.

At the right side.

At the meditative place that Jesus spoke of when

he mentioned the single eye, watching,

taking no thought, and casting your net to the right side.

When his instructions are obeyed then the

real Christmas takes place.

The real Christmas takes place within you as the child

of promise is born to you of the virgin consciousness,

in the right side where there is none of the busyness of the left.

When you allow Christmas to occur within you, it begins

with silence and darkness as the story tells us it did so long ago.

And now quiet descends on that Holy City within you.

A new peace has come

A beautiful quiet finds its way into your heart.

The child is born.

His name shall be called, Allah, Jesus,

Jahovah, Krishna, Buddha

His message of peace and love, and healing,

is the same for all.

Truly the real meaning of Christmas

has been fulfilled within you.

Silent night holy night

All is calm all is bright

Round yon virgin mother and child

Holy infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

first snow