True Blue, raspberry tincture

Medical marijuana ramblings at 2 AM

Is this what it feels like to live in your head? God, get me the Fuck out of here.

This is not my mind, is it? I must be F-ing crazy. I roll over a thousand times pulling the sheets with me, and my darn cat plopped on my legs gets tossed from side to side.

Lord, have Mercy on me. Lord, have mercy on me. Lord, have mercy on me.

What were the best moments?

A million run through me. Like moving pictures.

And then all the faces. Every one of them I’ve ever known or seen.

LORD, teach me to pray. LORD, teach me to pray. LORD, teach me to pray.

Sitting on my mat I pray, There I am. In my picture mind. In my beauty.

Om namah shivaya, gurave. Sat chit ananda, murtaye. Nichprapanjaya shantaya. Nira lambaya tejase. Ohm. Ohm. Ohm.

Have I gone crazy? Maybe I’ve always been.

Please God, teach me to pray.

Then I see his face.

For who he truly is.

Not God, but my relationships here on earth. All the male ones. And then the female ones too.

And their words replay in my mind’s ear. And I am able to hear through the words.

LORD, let me remember the peace that surpaseth all understanding.

And I realize all that I heard. It was the same calling. From every one of those faces, every one of them.

All saying the same thing:

I WANT TO SHINE AND BE BEAUTIFUL. IF EVEN FOR A MOMENT.

Why?, I ask.

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE LOVED.

and like Angels, one day, they do.

unknown

It’s often the simplest seeming gesture or word/idea that serves as a deep awakening.

As I’m reading The Most Important Thing, (Adyashanti), I’m reminded ….

How we IDENTIFY with a thought about absolutely anything can create either suffering or happiness.

This has been so helpful for me to re-cognize, again, simple as it is.

Further grace dropped into my consciousness while I was revisiting my old dream journals, as I’m preparing to work on my new project, The Yoga of Dreaming.

I was reminded of a teaching at a silent retreat that served a deep awakening for me, at that time:

“You will NEVER find TRUTH looking through the MIND”

Why is this SO important to re-cognize?

Because the Mind’s nonstop evaluation of its perceptions are occurring in TIME (in this dimension of reality)

We already know Time is an illusion, right? But in Time the only thing we can actually KNOW through EXPERIENCE is the present moment

Everything else is the UNKNOWN

The unknown = FEAR (most of the time), especially the unknowing about death

Which leaves 99.99999% of us living in FEAR (aka anxiety) pretty much all of the TIME

To eliminate this constant state of fear, our only hope would be to let go of identifying with the MIND’s obsessive compulsion to make up stories about everything – and then believe it’s TRUE!!!!

Sounds simple enough.

But it’s not simple. Why?

Because the UNKNOWN will always be the only thing that is TRUE.

Our MIND cannot accept that.

What can we do?

Sit still. Be quiet. Observe. Listen. Feel. Laugh. Watch nature. Trust. Open your heart to gratitude. Take Action without attaching to outcome. Be YOU, authentically.

KNOW that you will never KNOW.

Remind yourself every day.

Even this writing is not true.
It’s just an attempt to express the ineffable……..

suggestions welcome