break-through

Whenever I seem to experience what I’d call a Newness of Attention/Awareness I recognize these two distinctions:

If the Newness of Attention/Awareness is experienced on a lower level emotion; i.e., fear, anger, despair, disgust, arrogance, regret, resentment, unforgiveness ….

Usually, almost always, it is the direct result of a duality-focused mindset – the analytical, thinking, separate mind of egoic consciousness.

However, when the Newness of Attention/Awareness is experienced on a higher level emotion; i.e., compassion, acceptance, gratitude, wonderment, faith, humor, glee …

There is no mind-causality – it’s bestowed as pure grace.

I noticed this, especially, because it happened TODAY.

Out of nowhere.

Like a sunray peaking through a cloud-filled sky.

Not of my own doing – or of anyone else.

I clearly recognized the power/strength of my human will while simultaneously feeling the equanimity of the mystery of God’s perfection in guiding my every moment.

A peacefulness beyond any logical understanding.

In this state of grace, I knew something had downloaded into my consciousness. An unexpected gift after a brief time of sadness.

I was intuitively moved to revisit my tattered copy of the I Ching for a reading … for perhaps a deeper insight to this momentary opening to the Presence of Peace.

Here’s what the coins I threw revealed …

43. Kuai / Break-through (Resoluteness)

above TUI THE JOYOUS, LAKE

below CH’ien THE CREATIVE, HEAVEN

This hexagram signifies on the one hand a break-through after a long accumulation of tension, as a swollen river breaks through its dikes, or in the manner of a cloudburst. On the other hand, applied to human conditions, it refers to the time when inferior people gradually begin to disappear. Their influence is on the wane; as a result of resolute action, a change in condition occurs, a break-through.

The hexagram Kuai actually means a break-through as when a river bursts its damn in seasons of flood. The five strong lines are thought of as mounting from below, resolutely forcing the weak upper lines out of the hexagram. The same idea evolves from the images. The lake has evaporated and mounted to the sky. There it will discharge itself as a cloudburst. Here again, we have the idea of a break-through.

The I Ching or Book of Changes, Wilhelm/Baynes

As I acknowledge the Source (God) of ALL THAT IS, I cannot neglect appreciation and honor for every being that contributes to my life

– every being – human and non-human –

who has held me up

and made me laugh

and made me weep

and evoked every potential emotion out of this bodysuit I dwell in.

It is unspeakable how miraculous this life really is.

May that understanding keep hold in my heart forever …..

and in yours …

Namaste.

dream

An auspicious day, Friday, March 13, 2020.

A download in the predawn hours came to my subconscious knowing

However;  upon awaking to the conscious state of mind I couldn’t recall the details

Only that I KNEW something was received … in some way I don’t understand

The only words I recall hearing clearly were:

Hold the space for love

And

Bohemian rhapsody (LOL, WTF?!?)

What a beautiful spring day today turned out to be

I have never felt closer to Divinity as I do this moment.

There’s a certainty

A foundation

That no virus could ever penetrate.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see

I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low

Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me…

Nishprapanchaya Shantaya

Last week I went Christmas shopping. Having purchased not a single gift up till now, this was a huge endeavor seven days prior to the holiday. But I braved the 17–degree temps.

Probably not too wise of a decision.

I thought, I should be nurturing my immune-compromised blood levels during “week-off” chemotherapy

But I’m resolute; I gotta bring gifts for the grandkids and family members.

My habituated determination …. I recognize it. It’s laughable. Hard to change lifetime convictions.  

Thankfully, the opposite pole of persistence arose simultaneously, and the desire to self-nurture endured.   

A 30-minute drive to Milford, PA ahead, I decided to lose myself in a podcast. Its auspicious title beckoned my attention, “The Search for Enlightenment” by Rupert Spira.

Kind of ridiculous having heard this talk a gazillion times in every imaginable form – from Nisargadata to Ramana to Krishnamurti to Adyashanti ad infinitum …. As if I might hear something new.

Unexpectedly, Mr. Spira’s articulation on this topic smashed my heart open – in an exceptionally beautiful, frigid, sun beaming off icicle moment on a country road in Northeastern PA.

Perhaps my lowering WBC count assisted in opening my heart a little deeper this time?

Who knows.

I bawled like a puppy for her mother. You know when you’re alone in the car, and you can sob so loud it hurts?

Ranks right up there with an incredible orgasm.

Here’s the part that broke the dam of uncontrollable tears:

15:47

Rupert: You’ve recognized that who you essentially are now is ever-present, never hurt or tarnished by experience, never disturbed, it needs nothing.

What more do you want?

Questioner: (I can’t trust that the wanting will stop)

Rupert: What are you wanting?

If you have found that in yourself which is inherently peaceful and has no sense of lack, what are you lacking?

Questioner:  (There’s nothing I lack)

Rupert: The wanting will only stop when you recognize that you ARE what you WANT.

End 17:01

The Anusara invocation I have chanted for a decade reverberated in my heart, and I recalled how near this knowledge is, how it has remained engrained in my heart.

Om Namah Shivaya Gurave: I honor God, the Nature of Being, The Teacher within.
Satchidananda Murtaye: ITS essence is Truth, Consciousness, and Bliss.
Nishprapanchaya Shantaya: IT is always present and full of peace.
Niralambaya Tejase: It is completely free and radiates from the heart with a divine luster.

(my interpretation)

Enjoy the video, tissues recommended.

Peace

The only moments that I feel truly at ease, peaceful, maybe even blissful (Ananda) is when I remember (re-know) the Truth (Sat) about the illusive quality of perception in the “world”.

What you believe, so shall you perceive. That’s about as close as one can get to a spiritual truth.

All the anxiety, indecision, depression, angst, fear …. yes, it’s real because I can FEEL it.

But when I crack open my knowing heart, and remember the Truth of I AM, or GOD IS, or disbelieve the separation (duality), a soft wave of peacefulness returns to the center of the chest.

“When a teacher of God first learns that he or she is the dreamer of the dream they are still attached to the dream and are tempted to use their growing awareness of Reality to change the dream to suit their individual dream figure desires instead of to awaken. This is an attempt at a compromise where the dreamer tries to have the power of the dreamer while still being a figure in the dream, but in the end this will fail because a dream is not real; it will always leave the dreamer feeling empty, and seeking for wholeness. Only awakening from the dream will make the dreamer feel whole again. Through awakening the dreamer’s experience of the dream does improve, but only because the dreamer realizes that it is a dream.

The Holy Instant, in Which the teacher of God steps out of time for a moment to be with God, is the greatest tool that he or she has to undo the dream of time. In that Instant time is over; there is no dream. The more a teacher of God practices the Holy Instant, and lives in the present with the Presence of the Holy Spirit, the less time means to him or her. The dream recedes in value and importance, and the experience of the Holy Instant becomes more compelling to the teacher of God than anything in time.

In essence, time is the dreamer living the one instant of not-God/undoing not-God over and over again, but in the midst of time this takes so many forms it is almost impossible to see. The teacher of God, however, begins to see it the more he or she experiences the Holy Instant. They begin to see the nothingness of the dream, and how silly it is to give it weight and to take it seriously. All that has happened is a thought that can never be reality. There is really nothing to forgive because nothing real has happened. God is.” A Course in Miracles