You can’t just stay on top of the mountain!

This is my humble expression of gratitude for this Spirit “angel” who chose to work through the human being named Alicia.

A wise angel gave me some unexpected insight this week.

She asked me to take over one of her yoga classes.

This will be my first job teaching yoga again after one year of cancer treatment.

This angel woman may not even be aware of her angelic action.

She probably thought she was acting in self-service, giving herself a needed break. By giving me one of her many jobs she could have Monday mornings off. Probably a much needed rest from her extremely busy schedule!

But beneath all that reasoning, something deeply informed me that this “angel” was not acting out of self service.

She may not even be consciously aware, but her service to my soul was made complete when she (nonchalantly while smiling ear to ear) said,

“You can’t just stay up on that mountain all day”.

That’s really when it hit me.

Here, again, this woman appears just when my soul is ready to re-engage in the world and teach what I feel is the only way to express God’s essence through me.

As she did, almost exactly one year ago, when I moved into this new place.

There she was standing at the edge of my driveway with her dogs. “I hear you teach yoga”.

This “angel” always seems to appear out of nowhere just when I need her.

And this week in particular, her appearance gave me electricity, fuel and power.

Ironically, (we had a storm and lost power) and so it even gave me the power to be vulnerable.

And so, today, after visiting mom in the nursing home, I let myself feel PAIN.


I stopped pretending it was not painful to watch this.

Allowing myself to be aware of my mind’s incessant intellectualizing, arguing in my own mind why we put dogs down and not people, and blaming the ‘systems’, the drugging of these elderly people to keep them quiet and controlled, and being angry at my mom for letting herself go, not taking good physical care of herself. Rationalizing away all the guilt feelings I have, even though guilt is never a true thought at all. Blaming myself for her being here. Blaming her for giving up. None of these ideas holding any truth, but allowing the thoughts to come to surface and be felt with emotions through my humanness.

After my visit, I was sitting in the car, in the pouring rain, allowing myself to sob, holding my head in my hands and just feeling the sorrow, the pain, the disappointment, the horror.

Strangely, such an orgasmic crying. A real release.

A witnessing from an inner place of gnosis, watching Janet be a human being.

A witnessing from an inner place of gnosis, watching Janet be a human be-ing.

Jesus the Revolutionary Mystic

Reminiscing about Adyashanti’s pearls of wisdom always pulls up one of the most memorable learning experiences of my 58 years on this earth – on a topic that there is so much BS about and untruth and misinterpretation. This retreat was the ONLY knowledge about Jesus that ever resonated deeply with what actually felt right to me. It was a 7-day silent retreat called ‘Jesus the Revolutionary Mystic’. Simply, Jesus a revolutionary mystic who told the truth and was killed for it.

Adya’s dharma talks each evening explored a zen-based metaphorical examination of the Gospels of the Bible focused around Jesus’ life and death. These are only a few of my recollections, but if interested in further study, there’s a book (Resurrecting Jesus) you can google, by Adyashanti.

If I could sum up 7 days of deep exploration, I would say that it focused around the idea that Jesus’ life is the epitome of letting go of the egoic self.  Adya brilliantly perceives Jesus as Living in Action, sending those he “healed” (metaphor for awakening to Truth) out into the world to live their life through awakening to Truth.

Adya portrays the question ‘Who is Jesus’ as a metaphor for ‘who am I?’

In classic Zen, in order to fully understand the teaching you must show that you can EMBODY it. Jesus went into it (Form) completely. In a metaphorical way, Jesus completes incarnation fully.

Adya’s interpretation was that Jesus chose the disciples because they were people who needed him the most. Not because they were special. He (Adya) describes the disciples appearing (in his perception reading the Gospels) as bumbling idiots asking for a ‘special place’ on his right side (In the garden of Gethsemane). Instead who gets it? The criminal on the cross next to him.

I especially liked the way Adya described Pontius Pilot’s role in the story; how he is actually the ONLY one who really asks Jesus who he is, where is he from, and what is the Truth. Jesus reveals nothing to him, and when Pilot reminds him he has the power to crucify him, Jesus reminds him that if he wasn’t ‘Given the Power’ he wouldn’t have it. (It’s not Pilot’s persona that holds power, it’s his essence of Being One with God that holds the power).

One of my favorite metaphors:

The Jewish authorities represent any power authority that wants to hold themselves in high power. Pilot actually has to decide what’s more important to him, and so he chooses the power of the Roman Empire over Truth.

And Adya reminds us how the story continues to mirror our present-day reality:


And finally, the Crucifixion symbolism: Two criminals to the left and right of Jesus.

Jesus the connection – The joining of Duality to Oneness.

Photo: Alex Grey