was it coincidence our granddaughter arrived for her summer visit
precisely on the day I would learn that my body was failing?
I doubt it
Divine, it’s all divine timing
Her 13-year-old innocence brought a needed distraction
She would sit in the front seat with Papa
so I could sit in the back
(and quietly cry to myself)
Until God spoke to me
Listen to me and open your heart to my Loving Guidance
That’s when His Voice came through
In the songs
on Briana’s I-phone playlist coming through the car speakers
Each song with it’s own profound message for me to hear
WE ARE LIKE DIAMONDS IN THE SKY, SHINE LIKE A DIAMOND
Yes, I know, dear God, I know, but how often I forget
THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR ….. YOU, YOU, YOUUUUU
I guess so, for You to Live through me and teach me how to BE MySelf
WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO?
Oh, I am willing now, to face my life AS IT IS. To stop the trivial nonsense of self judgements and expectations, to end the obsessive desire to control, and to BE HERE for all that arises in my path and offer my full self to IT.
JUST WANNA KEEP CALLING YOUR NAME ‘TIL YOU COME BACK HOME
I hear you, sweet Lord. I am ready when you will have me back.
WE FOUND LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE
SHINE A LIGHT THROUGH AN OPEN DOOR
This place is pretty bleak, even among all it’s natural beauty, we humans have fucked it up royally, haven’t we? Yet we still find LOVE when we open our hearts and allow Your Light to shine through
The video below is such a beautiful articulation of our relationship to the Creator.
This is not a plug for any particular esoteric belief system, it just happens to speak volumes to what my own experience is when I actually place my attention on “Being the Diamond” or as I’ve stated in my own way as Being Love.
I’m sharing this podcast to extend that shine, and inspire others to practice knowing their own perfection in Connection with the Creator.
There are so many gems to hear if you can listen for 48 minutes. Here are just a few:
Video time around 17:21:
‘“Anything that is not that diamond; that is NOT you”
(i.e.; our egoic self – 5-sense-controlled personal self is NOT that diamond, but instead it is the evil/sinner, false belief in separation from God, the opponent)
“My job is to identify what is NOT the diamond and remove it from my life”
22:24: “Why do we have shame? Because we forgot the Creator”
26:18 “The process is the purpose.”
On a personal note, tomorrow I start my “first” chemo treatment in 5 months of being on chemo holiday; this comes after a 33 day round of intense proton therapy radiation. I am laughging at the idea of it being my “first” chemo treatment; after all, I’ve had a total of 52 chemo infusions in the past 3-1/2 years.
However, this idea about Being the Diamond has shined a light on this experience that was not visible to me before …
Every moment is “the first” and potentially “the last” in which we have a choice … how will I learn/experience/grow/give/love and recognize my infinite potential of becoming the diamond?
Dear God, help me to remember to Be the Diamond. This prayer will be with me all day tomorrow. And I pray, to be with me in each and every moment ….
“One of the best definitions which I have come across is that which defines evolution as “the unfolding of a continually increasing power to respond.” ― Alice A. Bailey, The Consciousness of the Atom
Finding myself in a place that feels like I’ve grown/evolved/changed in so many ways. Yet there’s an awareness that knows it’s somehow happening for reasons I can’t possibly understand. My neighbor, who was recently diagnosed with leukemia takes long walks with me when she’s home from her treatments. She is very religious, and during our walk today she shared something with me.
She said, “Sometimes our suffering is for someone else’s sake.”
I may have heard this before, but today it resonated more deeply. Not in a religious way. But in a way that affirmed that this LifeExperience is beyond our limited knowledge of human existence.
Recently, I’ve had strong feelings/intuitions/awareness of my choice in every situation/relationship/communication with others of how to respond/behave/communicate.
It is NOT for my own sake. Because there is no my own.
I AM an expression of God’s Love. God is radiant, and It’s power is in the expansion of It’s Infinite Potentiality to show it’s True Nature.
I am Here to Be that (Love) for the other. In turn, it will expand and reflect Itself back to me. And how beautifully peaceful it feels when one recognizes that Truth and experiences it’s manifestations in the material world.
That means even through pain and illness and suffering, I am Here to Be that (Love) for the other.
I wish I had a more eloquent way of expressing this idea. But more importantly, I hope to remember to respond as if I know it is my purpose in life.
work not for the food that perishes, but for the food that remains for everlasting life …
During my chemotherapy treatment yesterday I listened to a podcast sent to me by my dear friend, Zahara. The timing of the message felt so serendipitous, as always with relationships we seemingly “find” ourselves in.
I’ll share the link to the podcast below, but in summary, the orator revealed to me something that enhanced my worldly perspective:
Any “other” in our life (shared relationship) is there for you, not you for them.
What does that mean?
What we “see” outside our personal self is perfectly placed there (in harmony) to our (yet unrevealed) need for reconciliation, healing, awakening, purification, and steps to Knowledge (God).
“They” or “It” is there to mold us, shape us, teach us, offer us an opportunity to make choices for our own path to self-realization (one-ness and connection with God)
Does that mean we (our personal self) play no role in service to others?
Of course, our personal course of action in the world is meaningful – our service to other; however, again, it is actually for the same purpose.
Undeniably, it is ALL for the SAME PURPOSE.
Enlightenment has to translate into service if it is to be real and meaningful. You were sent into the world to do something specific. Knowledge within you knows what this is and is trying to guide you and move you into a position where you can recognize this and meet those individuals who will be a part of your greater service and accomplishment here. Along the way, knowledge is building your strength, building your discernment and building your courage.
Most of the spiritual work is deconstructing your confinement, your disabilities, your fantasies, your obsessions and your delusions to help you divorce yourself from your weakness and to unite you with your strength. It takes faith to do this because you don’t really know where it is taking you. You do not really know the outcome.
You do this because you know you must do this. Because in your heart, you know you must take this journey. Not to satisfy the goals of the mind, your ideas of enlightenment or to become a saint, a goddess, or any of this foolishness. You’ve taken the journey because you must. And this is what returns you to God because you are following what God has put within you to follow. You do not know where it is taking you. It is deconstructing that which is imprisoning you. It is building your strength, your confidence and your ability to discern the power and the presence of Knowledge within you.
Marshall Vian Summers
How can this help us navigate the physical world?
When you look outside your eyes at that other appearing in your life – in every relationship and circumstance, ask yourself, “How will this encounter polish the inner diamond of my heart so that I may better serve the will of God within me while I am here in this moment?”
I hope there is a crumb of inspiration in this writing … I truly hope to share what may serve another along the way.
The foolishness of this world, the seeming deceit, corruption, and insanity has taken my personal mind down to a level of sadness that has actually served to further ignite and strengthen the force within me to seek a course of action in planting seeds of LOVE in the mud of the world.
I devote this post In gratitude to ALL of my teachers along the way:
Cancer – husband – family and friends – pets – nature – food – and every stranger I will encounter in this world.
When I received “Man’s Search for Meaning” (a book by Viktor E. Frankl) I immediately dove in – my dear friend, Zahara, had gifted me with a copy and informed me she would be reading it along with me.
Well, I should know better. My sensitivities to the horrors of Auschwitz always feels like I had been there in a past life, and just reading about it – I seem to re-live the events all over again.
For the first 40 pages, I thought, I am NOT going to get through this, this unimaginable, unthinkable, suffering.
I hoped that the eventual fruit of this torturous reading would be worth the trauma.
And no better moment to receive this wisdom – stuck in my own psycho drama … questioning life’s meaning … ready to throw in the towel and give up treatment … feeling loss of purpose … a mere Guinea pig for the cancer cartel. Thoughts like, I can’t go on like this anymore …. blah, blah, blah.
And what does life place in my lap? This gift from a man born in Vienna 1905, his meaningful message. His wisdom reaffirms the treasure my soul is quietly holding for me, patiently awaiting my recognition.
Below, an especially lovely excerpt that filled my heart with meaning:
“Let me recall that which was perhaps the deepest experience I had in the concentration camp. The odds of surviving the camp were no more than one in twenty eight, as can easily be verified by exact statistics. It did not even seem possible, let alone probable, that the manuscript of my first book, which I had hidden in my coat when I arrived at Auschwitz, would ever be rescued. Thus, I had to undergo and to overcome the loss of my mental child. And now it seemed as if nothing and no one would survive me; neither a physical nor a mental child of my own! So I found myself confronted with the question whether under such circumstances my life was ultimately void of any meaning.
Not yet did I notice that an answer to the question with which I was wrestling so passionately was already in store for me, and that soon thereafter this answer would be given to me. This was the case when I had to surrender my clothes and in turn inherited the worn-out rags of an inmate who had already been sent to the gas chamber immediately after his arrival at the Auschwitz railway station. Instead of the many pages of my manuscript, I found in a pocket of the newly acquired coat a single page torn out of a Hebrew prayer book, containing the most important Jewish prayer, Shema Yisrael. How should I have interpreted such a “coincidence” other than as a challenge to live my thoughts instead of merely putting them on paper?
A bit later, I remember, it seemed to me that I would die in the near future. In this critical situation, however, my concern was different from that of most of my comrades. Their question was, “Will we survive the camp? For, if not, all this suffering has no meaning.” The question which beset me was, “Has all this suffering, this dying around us, a meaning? For, if not, then ultimately there is no meaning to survival; for a life whose meaning depends upon such a happenstance-as whether one escapes or not-ultimately would not be worth living at all.”